Falling

34

Vinny Taylor

There was a knock on my door as I sat at my window, blowing out smoke from my cigarette. I ignored it for a moment until there was another knock and Carson's voice coming through the door.

"Vinny?" he called. "You in there?"

My mind had been in a dark place since my encounter with Seth earlier in the day. It felt like my walls were closing in, close to suffocating me. In addition to that, the anger I felt at myself for allowing to Seth to have this type of effect on me was consuming my thoughts. I was angry and scared and sad and numb.

But then I heard Carson and the deep, sweet sound of his voice calling out to me as if trying to pull me back into the light. His voice sweet like sugar and honey, reminding me of what good I had in my life. And also reminding me not to mess this up by closing myself off from him once again.

I stood up from the window sill, resting my cigarette in the ash tray, before walking over to the bedroom door, unlocking it, and opening it to reveal Carson and his easy smile.

"Why'd you have the door locked?" he laughed, placing his hand on my hip and kissing the side of my face.

"I must've just done it without realizing," I lied, closing the door behind him after he walked in.

I went back to the window and stubbed out the cigarette, shoving the ash tray under my bed as I tried to avoid Carson's gaze.

"I thought you were quitting?" he asked, lying back on my bed.

I let out a frustrated sigh. "I am, it's just— it's hard."

Carson shot me a sympathetic look. This look was almost as bad as the one of disappointment. I bit down on my bottom lip and looked up at the ceiling.

I wished that seeing him would instantly make me feel better, but the fear and anger and numbness still lingered. And now I had to try to act like nothing was wrong so to not make him worry about me or think he had done something wrong.

"Hey," Carson said, moving across the bed and grabbing my hand into his. I looked down at him. "It's okay. I didn't mean to make you feel bad about it."

"You didn't," I muttered.

I felt myself starting to get lost in his eyes in the way that he looked at me like I was all he saw. His gaze pierced me and it was like I could feel it on my skin.

My hand tightened around his as I let Carson pull me down onto the bed beside him. I was suddenly conscious of the fact that I smelled and tasted like smoke as he pulled me closer and started kissing my neck, but he didn't seem to mind.

Carson's kiss made me shiver as his lips moved up my neck and to my jaw, sucking on the sensitive skin where the two met. My mouth opened and I let out a noise of pleasure that caused Carson to smile against my skin. My hand found its way into his hair while Carson's hand moved from my stomach, lower and lower.

"Is this okay?" he asked against my jaw, his hand low on my stomach, just above my most sensitive area.

I hadn't wanted anyone to touch me there for a long time, but as I lay down in front of Carson, his hand just inches from going down into the front of my jeans, I wanted it. I wanted him.

I nodded and Carson laughed against me.

"If it's okay, you have to tell me," he said.

"Fuck..." I groaned. "It's more than okay. Just touch me. Please."

Carson's hand moved lower and he fumbled with the button on my jeans before he finally got it undone and let his hand under the waist band of my boxers. I gasped at the feeling of his hand on me, the feeling of his skin touching me where I hadn't been touched in so long.