Falling

20

Carson Hughes

Spending the afternoon alone in my house wasn't something I usually did, so when I told Logan I couldn't go to his house on Monday afternoon, he was undoubtedly confused. However, he didn't question me as he and the others went over to his house.

It wasn't that I necessarily wanted to avoid Vinny after what had happened over the weekend, but I knew it would be hard to keep myself from trying to see him if I was there. I had decided I would wait for him to come to me, so staying out of his house was the easiest way to keep myself from breaking the promise I made to myself.

What I didn't expect was a knock on my door in the afternoon, and opening it to see a winded Vinny with his cheeks flushed and his breathing heavy.

"Did you run here?" I asked him with an alarmed look.

Vinny nodded and I ushered him inside.

"Why?" I wondered.

"I was on a run and just kinda ended up in your neighborhood," Vinny explained, his breathing evening out. "I know what it sounds like but I'm not kidding."

A minuscule smile spread on my lips as I realized Vinny seemed to have gone back to normal. He didn't seem to be in the spirits he was over the weekend, with sunken eyes, pale skin, and a look of emptiness.

"Can we talk?" Vinny asked in a low voice.

He looked uncomfortable even saying that. He was never the one to start the conversations between us, but it seemed as if he knew he had to start this one. If there was anything I knew for sure about Vinny it was that he hated being vulnerable, and by the look on his face, that rang true.

Vinny nervously took his bottom lip between his teeth as he waited for my response.

"Of course," I told him, leading him into the living room, the two of us sitting side my side on the couch.

He was silent for a few moments as if trying to gather his thoughts and grasp at the right words to say. I waited as patiently as I could, knowing opening up, like he was about to do, was difficult for him.

"On Saturday, I wasn't feeling well," Vinny started. "I felt like shit."

"I could tell."

Vinny's eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn't direct his glare at me. It was almost like it was inward, directing it at himself.

"Sometimes I get like that and I can't help it," he explained, directing a wide eyed gaze at me. "It's like there's this dark cloud over me and it controls me. It makes it impossible for me to feel anything or pull myself out of it. It's suffocating."

He paused for a moment before he continued, "And I kinda just have to wait for it to be over," he said. "It's not an excuse, but it's an explanation at least. I was hoping to avoid you until it was over."

"You should know by now that it's hard to avoid me," I said.

Vinny scoffed. "Yeah, you just invite yourself in whenever you want."

"Well you don't ever invite me in, so I have to find my own ways," I teased, and Vinny looked slightly embarrassed.

"I have to get used to actually wanting someone in my room," he sheepishly admitted, running a hand through his hair.