Falling

19

Vinny Taylor

"Vincent, you look like you've put some meat back on your bones," my grandmother commented as soon as we walked into her house. I didn't even bother responding, my energy for the day already depleting.

Sometimes it was hard to even get out of bed or leave the house, and I couldn't control it. I never used to be like this, slow moving and unmotivated. Days like this felt like they lasted years, sometimes I swore they did. And there was no reason for it. My mind just decided on its own that it was going to feel like it would rather turn off and be blank. When my mind felt like this, clouded yet empty, all I wanted was to lock myself away and let the time pass.

But I was dragged out of my room by my dad and forced into the car to go to my grandmother's because apparently it was her birthday. I thought the thing with getting old was that you stopped celebrating your birthday, but for her, that obviously wasn't the case.

"He's been following the diet the nutritionist gave him," Dad told her as we all shuffled into the house. "He's been doing really well with it."

It didn't feel that way. Whenever I looked into the mirror, it was like there was no progress. To me, I still looked sickly, too skinny and pale with sunken in eyes and face that showed my bad attitude.

I let my grandmother hug me and place a kiss on my cheek before I wordlessly followed Logan to the living room and sat beside him on the couch.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked, looking up from his phone. "You haven't said much."

I shrugged, not even feeling energized enough to act like I was okay. Usually I would have had some sort of snarky or smart ass remark, but I couldn't even bring myself to do that.

"You should have told Dad you weren't feeling well," Logan told me, his lingering look on my face before he glanced down at his phone.

"Like that would matter," I muttered, closing my eyes and leaning my head back on the couch.

Logan gave me a look. "It would."

The two of us sat in silence after that. He was on his phone, most likely texting Dana, while I stared up at the ceiling. I was sure I had texts from Carson unopened and waiting for me, but I couldn't bring myself to read them. I didn't want to risk lashing out on him as I was prone to doing when I was in this state. Or unloading my baggage. It was best for the both of us if I just waited it out and answered him when this passed.

I nearly fell asleep on the couch before Dad called for Logan and me to go to the kitchen for dinner. Before I even made it there, I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach any food. Whenever I was like this it was hard to eat anything. It wasn't that I didn't want to eat, it was just hard.

We sat down at the table where the rest of the family already was. Luckily, my aunts weren't there and it was just us and my grandmother. I could tolerate my grandmother as long as she didn't bother me too much.

Everyone started eating, but I had trouble even lifting the food onto my fork. My grandmother was never a good cook anyway.

"The rest of us are going to Robbie's tomorrow," Grandma said as she sliced the meat on her plate. It was just like her to bring up a sore topic before anyone even got food in their mouths.

"That's nice, Mom," Dad replied, though his tone gave away his lack of interest.

"I wish you'd get over your weird resentment so we could do things as a family," Grandma retorted. She used that voice that made it seem like she thought she was better than everyone. I supposed she actually did think that.