unfamiliar [hxh and bnha crossover]

chapter 6

God, Hisoka loved messing with people.

"So, Shiggie-chan," he started.

"DO NOT CALL ME THAT!"

Ignoring him, he continued. "What's with the hands? Got a hand fetish or something? I mean, I can't blame you, we all have our flaws—"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP??" Shigaraki had his 'father' on the counter, irritated at the comments Hisoka made. "You're the fucking freak here!"

Grinning, Hisoka covered his mouth. "Illumi~ he's making fun of me."

Illumi barely spared him a glance.

"Good."

Dabi stood off to the side, silently observing the proceedings. Hisoka turned to him, and fanned himself.

"Ah," he moaned, "another man to lust for, as my dear Illumi has left me to rot."

Disgusted, Dabi grimaced and gagged.

Pleased with his response, Hisoka pushed further.

"I wonder," he hummed, "does Dabi-kun want to have a three—"

"No," Illumi cut him off. "He would not like to."

Continuing to sharpen his needles, he radiated pure hatred.

Standing up, Hisoka draped himself over a malicious Illumi and sighed.

"Oh, my love, don't be upset. I merely jest."

He didn't get a response.

"Would you like me to suck—"

Illumi finally glanced at him, more of a glare than anything else, and interrupted him yet again.

"Why are you like this."

"I mean, the offer is still there."

Disgusted yet mildly intrigued, Dabi glanced between the two, and finally put the dots together.

"Are you two fucking?"

Shigaraki stopped his grumbling to stare at him.

Grinning, Hisoka practically beamed at Dabi.

"Why yes! What gave it away?" he purred.

Not knowing how to even address that obviously bullshit, Dabi stared at him. He motioned to Shigaraki to try and help him, but the man in question merely shrugged and poured himself a drink.

"I'm too sober for this shit," he sighed.

Pleased, Hisoka groaned dramatically before falling onto the floor.

"You wound me!" he cried.

Before Shigaraki could scream at the man, there was a resounding knock on the entrance to the bar.

Glaring at Dabi, he took the message—read: threat—and answered the door.

"Hey, hot stuff!"

Shigaraki slammed his head onto the bar in absolute defeat. His day was just getting worse and worse.

In walked Hawks, who was too busy bantering with Dabi to notice the new additions to the room.

Until he stepped on one.

"Gah—?!"

Hisoka curled into himself, and in mock pain cried to Illumi.

"Dear, I've been attacked! Avenge me, please!"

Ignoring the man's antics, Illumi merely glanced up at the new arrival, and returned to his task.

To say the least, Hawks was shocked. Since when did the league accept additional members?

"Who is this clown?" he asked, still processing the sight before him.

He saw the black haired stranger look up to him and his lips twitched minutely. If Hawks didn't know any better, he'd say the man was smiling.

He heard Shigaraki muffle a scream on the bar. Dabi was no better, as he looked like he was either going to cry or laugh or both.

The league was pretty much in hysterics.

Hawks' feathers picked up movement, and before he could react, Toga bound into the room, launching herself at him.

Quickly, he dodged, and she pouted in defeat. The knife in her hands glimmered, and suddenly Hawks was glad he was trained so harshly. He did not want that knife anywhere near his organs, thank you very much.

Toga seemed to radiate excitement, and she grinned up at Hawks.

"Hawks-chan!!! Have you met the new recruits?"

Wary of the answer, he shook his head 'no.'

Toga absolutely beamed.

"You have to meet them!"

Hawks did not want to meet them.

Regardless, she dragged Hawks by his arm to the two strangers, one moping on the floor, and the other simply ignoring him, focusing on his needles—internally Hawks screamed 'What the fuck.'

"Hisoka-kun! Don't be so upset. I'm sure Illumi-kun cares for you! He's just busy right now!" she soothed.

The man he assumed was Hisoka whined from the floor, and Hawks could feel the oncoming  migraine already. Why did the league solely exist of idiots.

Illumi spoke up. "I don't care for him." Turning to address said man, he continued. "Die in a ditch."

Hisoka's whines grew louder and Hawks could distantly hear Dabi's footsteps retreating from the room, and Shigaraki's muffled cries from the bar.

"What the fuck," he deadpanned. "Is this all a hallucination? Have I finally lost it?"

Grinning, Hisoka rose from the floor and tapped Hawks on the nose.

"No, silly! I'm a very real person, with a very real spouse!"

Hawks' mind blanked. Static.

"I'm going to leave now." he murmured.

Hisoka smiled, and waved him goodbye.

"See you soon, Hawks-chan!"

—
word count: 794
a/n: enter hawks!!! wahhhh it's been a while hmm :( sorry bout that ! hope this chapter was worth the wait!! at this point this fic is just straight crack treated seriously :3