Subject 116

18

I didn't sleep much at all that night either. I was so stuck thinking about the plan, and how I could make it as risk-free as possible. But no matter how I looked at it, there was no way I could make it one hundred percent risk-free. There were so many flaws. How would we test the rope? What if it broke as someone was trying to climb down? What if the guards downstairs sounded alarms before the person coming down could have the chance to stun them? What if they hurt the person coming down and we were all stuck up here? What if we couldn't get the key card, and the elevators wouldn't open? All these 'what ifs' were tearing me apart. I wish I could go back to when my mind was absolutely blank, and I had nothing to think about at all. I was so carefree, wanting to know more. But now I knew too much, and I couldn't handle it all. I was the one with the most information, therefore I was technically in charge of this mission. I didn't want to have that responsibility, but I couldn't put it on anybody else either, since most of them didn't even know the truth. Hallie had her family and Lydia to worry about, and Monica was still in mourning. I still felt very little, aside from overwhelmed at times, so I was the trump card to this plan. The doctors didn't suspect me at all, they liked me in fact, or at least those were the hints I was getting. I was treated much differently than all the other people here, so I was assuming that I was the 'favorite.'

Maybe it was just because I had survived the termination process. I was important to them, and since they didn't think I knew anything, they probably assumed I was on their side more than the other. That was all I was to them. A failed termination being used as a guinea pig for their future technology. I didn't even know my ability, and everyone else figured theirs out so easily. All they needed was a little focus, and poof. Something supernatural happened so simply. But I had almost convinced myself that I didn't have an ability at all. They just took me in as a test subject, and nothing happened aside from the memory loss, and appearance change, according to Hallie.

My eyes were on the ceiling, but my mind was somewhere else. I thought really hard about what might be beyond the hauntingly familiar hallway, what they might be using to kill us off, and how we could take advantage of them. I was actually starting to feel physical pain from how long and hard I had been contemplating this for, my brain was pulsing inside my head. I had a session the day before, and ever since I got out, I felt even more stressed than usual due to this sudden burst of pain. I winced and tilted my head back, sighing.

"You okay?" Hallie startled me, but I wasn't surprised that she was awake too. She was always keeping an eye on Lydia, or thinking about what it would be like to finally go home. Her father was waiting for her, I bet he was going to be thrilled once she arrived home safe. Because she would, that was my job to make sure she escaped safely, and went home to the people who loved her. She stared at me with wonder. I turned over to the side to face her, and she repeated my steps.

"I can't stop thinking about everything. I wish there weren't so many flaws."

She shifted in her spot. "There's going to be flaws. We all know very little, and either way. It's either try, or die. I'd rather take the risk than wait to be taken down that hall and never come back. That's reasonable, right?" she spoke so softly, almost like she was trying to comfort me.

"Of course. I just want to be able to do more for everyone here. They all deserve to know that they're safe."

"Hey, no, hold on. You've got to stop that." her tone was still quiet, though her words were demanding.

"Stop what?"

"Taking control. You're not alone in this, I've told you a thousand times. Ask for help if you need it, I know it'll make you feel better. I notice you get headaches because you're so overwhelmed. That's not good for you. I'm here if you want to talk about anything. I don't know about Monica, since she's still in a really bad place, but that's okay. Either way, I'm willing to help in any way I can. I'm the one who found the files, remember?" she smiled, like it was a good thing. I supposed it was, but it was such a dark matter.