Subject 116

17

I didn't sleep at all that night. I couldn't stop thinking about how they might have killed Peyton. They had the technology to do whatever they wanted, so it was probably more complex than just a simple syringe in the arm. After all, we were harder to kill than regular humans. We had survived the nuclear effects, therefore we had stronger cells and systems. So however they killed that innocent boy, it was probably brutal. Monica was up too, as I expected her to be. I could have walked over and started some sort of conversation to try and help with the disgusting truth being unfolded, but I stayed put, constantly tossing and turning, trying to distract myself, but it just wouldn't go away. The sun eventually came up through the blinds, and I was disappointed that another all-nighter had been pulled. It was around morning when Finn lifted himself up and leaned back on the wall behind him. None of us could really settle ourselves, especially not him, since he wasn't used to this feeling, or any feeling at all for that matter. I wish I could have helped more in some way, but he was really difficult to communicate with sometimes. It was only a matter of time before we would leave this place and he would get to see and feel it all for himself. And if he had nowhere to go, I would find somewhere for him. It was almost like I was looking after him as much as Lydia, which had to change. But until he was normalized with the world again, that was how it had to be.

He tilted his head over and looked at me. "Are you alright? You look tired."

No shit. But that was really like him. He always pointed out people's emotions when he could identify them, in the few cases that he could.

"I didn't get much sleep. A lot to think about, y'know?" I was aware there were a lot of other people in the room, while none of them were awake, I still had to be cautious. Finn caught the hint and did the same.

"Right. I feel the same. I think this is what being overwhelmed is like." he must have stayed up all night realizing that.

"Yeah?"

"It's not a good feeling. I really don't like it. It's almost like... it brings my physical pain as well." he stared at me harder, making sure he had my full attention. "Hallie... I'm... if this is what regular people go through... if this is what they feel like... then I don't want to feel at all. Being blank was better than this. I almost wish I could forget about what I learned yesterday." 

I sighed and got out of bed to go over and sit by him. He kept eye contact, waiting for whatever answer I was going to give him.

"This isn't normal. You shouldn't have to be overwhelmed about something as serious as this. Once we're out of here, we won't have to worry about it anymore. You'll come across other things in life that will overwhelm you, but that's just a part of life. You'll pull through, you'll learn how, because we're all human, Finn. That's just how being one works. But it is normal to feel like this under pressure, because this is a really tight situation." I put my hand on top of his. It was really cold, exactly what I expected from someone so bony, and because of how much time he spent lying in cold water as a form of "therapy." "You're going to be fine. Instead of being consumed by the bad, focus on what's in front of you right now. Freedom. It'll be here soon enough. I'll make sure of that." I tried my best to smile, but he could tell it wasn't all real. But I needed to have that kind of attitude about this, otherwise we wouldn't get anywhere. So encouraging others to do the same was the best move for now, since I had no idea what the plan was.

Finn suddenly leaned a little closer to me, and whispered under his breath "I got an idea yesterday."

He couldn't say it now, but was willing to eventually. He pulled back, and I nodded at him. "Alright. Tell me when we're alone."

Monica shifted up and let both of us know that she heard what we were talking about. It was honestly a really pitiful sight, just looking at her. Her eyes were all pink and puffy, and she was still a bit shaky, but it was kind of hard to see. Finn acknowledged her presence and cleared his throat. "You too. I think this will be a start, but Lydia can't know yet. She might give something away by accident."