Subject 116

16

I was sitting at the foot of the bed Monica was curled up on. It was just the same as before, a long and melancholy silence. But it was much needed, nothing really had to be said, we just had to think about a lot, especially Monica. She was turned over on her side, knees pulled up to her chest, twitching every so often. Hallie met eyes with me a few times and then went back to looking at a wall or something. I hardly paid attention to either of them though, I was questioning so much. As soon as Monica came in the room, I felt so pressured about telling her what happened, and I think it frightened me even more that it was my first experience feeling something like that. It was like a constant pull in my chest that kept me from functioning properly, it was so distracting and I didn't like it. I kept trying to concentrate on something else to make it stop, the whirr of the air conditioning, Monica's constant shifting, Lydia outside hanging out with the other kids, enjoying their youth while they still can, but everything just brought me back to Peyton. It was so hard to believe he was really gone, after all the time we had spent together discussing our issues with this place and how badly we wanted to get out. He was never getting out now, it was impossible.

Hallie and I made sure to keep quiet, Monica had a lot to think about and we didn't want to make her feel worse than she already was, so she was the first one to start talking again, voice strained from constantly sniffling and crying. "What do we do now?"

I had briefly tried to think about an escape plan before it all became too much, and the pull in my chest got worse. Nothing came to mind aside from stealing the keycards, but there were most likely guards downstairs, or people that would see us. And if the door to get out was locked as well, we would be stuck. I really couldn't think of any logical way out, we were completely sealed in aside from the roof, and that wasn't an option. The wall down was smooth, there was nothing to go off of, and we would most likely die if we tried to make some sort of mechanism.

"Well... we find a way to escape. We have a few days at least." Hallie sounded distraught when she realized how little time that was. We would have to come up with a very well thought out plan, with no errors whatsoever to ensure everyone's safety, all within a couple of days and very little resources, with close to thirty people's lives on the line. 

I shut my eyes, while it was dark in the room, everything felt brighter all of a sudden. "Surely there is a way. I'm just convinced it's going to take longer than a few days to figure out. It's going to be difficult of course, but I think a sacrifice or two might be made."

"No." Monica got out of her crumpled up position, and sat up, looking us both dead in the eye. "I lost Peyton. Everyone else here has someone who feels that way about them. Family, friends, lovers, there are people waiting for them. I'm not going to let those people feel what I felt today."

I thought about that. There were already so many lost to these doctors, and their loved ones were going to be crushed, just like Monica. It was unpleasant, crying like that with what seemed like no end.

"It's not fair, nobody should have to go through what me and Peyton just did. If he was still here, he'd say the same thing!" she started crying again, Hallie didn't look surprised, but I was just confused again. She started up again so quickly, like it was nothing. How did the body work like that, how was that response triggered so simply?

"We're going to get out of here, all of us. There are kids here. Children with families. We're gonna get them home." she wiped her nose with the back of her hand and took another sharp breath. "I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna show those doctors that they fucked with the wrong people. Peyton deserved none of this. So when I get out, it'll be like I'm taking him home with me."

I never paid attention to the thought of afterlife, or spirits, and I don't even think that was what Monica was talking about. She meant that he was still in her heart somewhere, and her escaping would mean that his death was not for nothing. His sacrifice helped others escape, as painful as it might be to everyone who loved him.