Two Sides -Taekook (KookV)

17- Doubt

Pov. Jungkook

This must be the first time I sit on a bar without a smile on my face. I can barely pay attention to the music on the back or my group of friends chatting. More than one tried to keep up a conversation with me and failed. I don't know why my answers came out so disinterested. My head is somewhere else. I can't even flirt back with Jaebum when he takes his chance. After a while most of them stopped trying and I got the space to sink in my thoughts. Until Yugyeom changes seats and sits next to me at least.

- Earth to Jungkookie~ How you feeling today? Better? Worse? Same?

- I guess...same?

- Mhm, so worse. I see.

- I'm okay. Just a little distracted. That's all.

- Right. That's why you've been staring at your untouched beer for the last two hours

- What are you saying? We just got here!

-...Kook, check the time.

I take out my phone and lose my words when I realize he's right. Time flew by me while all I did was think about...him again. I sigh and let my head rest on the table. Yugyeom drinks my beer without asking for permission.

- Diugh, this is hot already! I'd tell you to buy another one but you'd just sit here all depressed staring at it again

- I'm not depressed, I'm...I don't know. This feels so weird...

- It's called regret, Kook. I've been there. Remember when I rejected BamBam? God, what an idiot! I still about that day.

- That's different. You liked BamBam and rejected him out of panic. I was very sure of my words with Tae

- "was" very sure?

A subtle smile grows on him for some reason. Meanwhile, I feel a pain in my chest after saying his name. I don't understand why this keeps happening every time.

- I don't get it, Yugyeomie. I've rejected people before. More than once! Friends even! But...for some reason...

- Yeah, I know.

- I didn't finish yet

- It broke your heart to see him cry, you want to give him distance but you're dying to talk to him again, you checked if he texted you a million times, you hate the fact that rejecting him means you won't ever kiss him again, you wanted to stay by his side and hug him all night when his tears started falling.

- ...Okay, you know. Why are you always so smart?

- I think you're just dumb. But like I said, regret can be a bitch.

- I can't believe I'm the one that made him feel so bad...

- I can't imagine him crying. It feels so bizarre

- Oh yeah, if he ever asks you never heard that from me. And I'm not surprised. I mean I'm shocked he likes me but not that he cries. He's more emotional than people think

- So...What you gonna do about it?

- What can I do? I'll give him some space and wait.

He seems unsure hearing me. But what else can I do? I can't just come up to him and pretend like nothing happened. For some reason, I can't move on with my life as easily as other times. No matter who I talk to tonight I don't feel like sleeping with any of them. Tae's image keeps popping in my head. His smile, his body, his frown, his insults, his tears. Everything all the time. How am I supposed to be away from him for so long? Ugh, I miss him! As friends...of course.

Someone in the group suggests going to the races. My heart beats a little faster thinking of the possibility of seeing him again. I don't know why. This is feeling so different and strange. When we get there, we can see Tae is helping organize some things. From this far I can see he looks composed and he's laughing softly with Hoseok. A part of me wants to go there and interrumpt. It makes me want to be the one making him smile like that. But I have to keep my distance. I can tell he's still having a bad time. Not as bad as the day I rejected him. But still. The people around don't notice anything different in him.

Leaving him alone doesn't mean I'll keep my eyes off him tonight though. I end up ignoring most of my friends just to enjoy staring at him from afar. I bite my lip thinking about Yugyeom's words. It's not regret, is it? It's not like I love him...do I? When he looks my way, this strange feeling takes over me and I have to look away. I'm not sure I can give him space for much longer. I really, really wanna spend more time by his side...

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Yugyeom is like the voice of reason and the angel on his shoulder at this point Hahahha.

There's only three chapters left! I hope you're enjoying it so far!

- Baby Y