WANT (completed)

ch. 54 | Loss

CASSANDRA'S POV

This week has been the worst.

The absolute worst.

My life did a complete 360. I went from happy and excited to emotionally drained and exhausted. It was like the universe knew I was happy and had to make sure that every single time I finally felt like I had my head held up high and footing in place, it was time to knock me down again.

Nothing prepares one for losing a parent. I experienced that with my mom. Even though we knew she was dying, it still destroyed all of us in a way, and nothing, no matter how much of a warning, could have prepared us for the grief and loss we experienced.

It was like that all over again, but this time, a million times worse. Investigations, media, and legal issues added additional stress, and left no time to experience grief. Instead, it was meeting after meeting, trying to keep our heads up and words carefully chosen to preserve the company name.

I sink down on the couch in the middle of the hotel suite, yanking my heels off and tossing them back onto the floor as I pull my legs up onto the cushioned seat. I'm still in the black dress I had worn for the funeral, but too exhausted to take it off and shower as I probably should. It was very flowy to fit loosely around my tummy, hiding my little bump. It didn't feel right to make that kind of statement for the first time at my father's funeral.

I hadn't cried yet. It was weird. I usually had no issues crying, but the entire time, I just couldn't bring myself to cry. I couldn't even recall the last thing that I had said to my father, let alone when the last time we had a conversation was. I couldn't bring myself to cry about that either.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" Asa calls out from the built in kitchen, and I can hear the click of his dress shoes against the wooden flooring as he steps back into the living space. It was our first time back here and completely alone since before we stepped foot into the hospital that day.

He was so good to me this past week. Making sure that I was eating, pulling me away from people that kept giving me their condolences, and getting rid of his work to take on my own and some of Zac's.

Between Zac and I, there was so much to get done. We had to plan a funeral, make calls, and ensure that Rhodes Enterprises didn't fall apart. Since Zac handled a lot of the business side of things, that left all the nasty stuff to me — planning, catering, florists, the press, media, calling family members that we didn't talk to, answering the same stupid questions that people asked, etc. Asa was there for it all, trying his best to take on and do whatever he could so I wouldn't have to while helping Zac keep the company afloat.

"I'm fine," I sigh as I lean back, closing my eyes as I look up at the ceiling. This was the first time that I was sitting with some peace and quiet. When we had gotten to the hospital that afternoon, everything was a blur. They said it was a car accident and the chances of survival were already low upon arrival. In order words, it was too late to really do anything, and time would only tell.

It was fast. Within the hour, we had to start making calls, and we divided everything up. Since that moment, I hadn't had much time to be alone, and now that I did, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to keep myself busy, but Asa wasn't going to let me go back to working without proper sleep, a full stomach, and a few days of nothing else, none of which I wanted to do.

"You didn't eat this morning either. I know..." he trails off, and I don't bother to look at him because I know he's trying to choose his words correctly. "I know that you might not feel like eating, but maybe a little something? Whatever you want. We can have it delivered."

His offer on any other day would make me so happy, but I didn't want to eat right now. I wanted to sit here and do nothing, and he knew that too. I could feel his presence as he approached the couch, likely hovering over me with his hands in his pockets.