Fires from heaven

Take a step back and rediscover him all over again.

                              __________________________________

                                          It was the day that I discover

                              Physical attraction lasts just for a short time;

                                  The only thing that will make it forever,

                              Is that I know your worst and you know mine.

                                  Together we agree the love we begin,

                      Can only last if we discover each other all over again

                                And built a friendship as a foundation,

                                  To an everlasting loving connection.

                             __________________________________

"I don't think that I can live without you," Alec confessed. His hazel eyes went liquid as the words slipped out of his mouth – raw and honest.

Alec had spent the night tossing around in his bed, thinking about that night when he sincerely thought he had lost everyone he loved. He had lost Magnus due to the burden of his responsibilities and he had lost Jace, however briefly it was. The pain from his parabatai rune was real. The physical pain was bad enough to render him to his knees, but it was how his soul felt as if it had been ripped out that hurt him the most. Alec knew, regardless what Jace and Clary said, that he had lost Jace. They could lie to him all they want but he knew Jace was dead.

And that was it. Alec could handle physical pain. But the pain for losing people he loved... he couldn't handle that. He might look gruff, cold and untouchable but once his heart had loved someone, it was unfathomably deep and indescribably soul-consuming.

Alec didn't give his heart easily but when he did, he didn't know how to do it half-way.

Right now, standing in front of Magnus in the alley, Alec remembered painfully the way Magnus had broken up their relationship, citing how their duties were crippling their ability to form a lasting relationship. At that moment, Alec knew that he loved Magnus more than Magnus had loved him because Alec couldn't even contemplate of giving up Magnus for any kind of reason - he would fight first with his blood, tears and soul before ever letting Magnus go.

It should not have come as a surprise. He had 17,000 past lovers to compete with whereas Magnus was his first of... everything and Alec knew that he was just another lover in Magnus's long list of conquests.

Maybe that was why Magnus found it easy to just walk away from them. What was Alec but merely an insignificant moment in the warlock's countless memories? Magnus's decision to walk away had hurt him because it confirmed Alec's deepest insecurity - that he, as himself, was not enough to make Magnus stay. And then, as if Magnus added more salt in his open, bleeding heart, the warlock had shown to Alec how easily it was to shut him out - to discard him out of Magnus's life.

That hurt Alec even worse. In a way that Alec didn't know it could hurt. Alec didn't think that he could feel that kind of hurt again and not die.