Fires from heaven

If you pass the storm and come out stronger, this relationship is meant to last

                                ________________________________________

                                       How much are you willing to sacrifice?,

                                       For the one that you claim you love;

                          Do you think that what you've given so far is suffice,

                   Or are you willing to give more when push comes to shove?

                                         Know this to be an absolute truth,

                              That it is not a sacrifice if one is willing to give;

                                  No matter what is demanded from you,

                             You'll gladly give it considering the alternative.

                           ________________________________________

If Alec had his way, he wanted to run as far as possible from the Institute, from this unwanted burden bestowed upon him and from the choice that the Angels gave him. Because it was an irrational choice: either to sacrifice his own life and at the same time, letting the whole world go to hell or to sacrifice Magnus's life. If it was just his life, Alec simply wouldn't care because it was never, ever, a contest between his own fleeting life and Magnus's - he would always choose Magnus's over his. But the fate of the world was on his shoulders, requiring him to step up and stop that creature from ever escaping.

How could the Angels do this to him? His own life was not enough that they needed to take Magnus's life as well? How could he live with himself, knowing that he would be deliberately hurting Magnus - the man who had taught him, cared for him and showed him so much?

This fact was stifling him, suffocating him to point that he couldn't breathe. He couldn't make this choice. He couldn't choose the survival of the world over the the survival of Magnus.

Oh, how he wished he could simply run away. He wished he could simply leave the Institute and perhaps, never coming back. Maybe if he ran fast enough and far enough, Alec would simply disappear and then the Angels would choose someone else who was more capable and stronger than him. Someone who was more worthy than him. Surely, there were other Parabatai pairs that were able to bear this burden.

But, then, Alec remembered the way Magnus and Jace were angry at him for disappearing on them on the day he decided to take a walk alone. By the Heavens, Alec didn't want to put that fear and anger expression on the two people that meant the world to him.

So, Alec retreated to the only sanctuary he had ever known - now that he was no longer entitled to be in Magnus's loft - in hope he could clear his head. He entered his own room, locked the door behind him before leaning against the door. Now that he was finally alone, the mask of bravado was shed away. The revelation of the rune had shocked him, scared him and angered him. The emotional rollercoaster came to a temporary halt when he entered into his room, and it left him trembling in utter, utter exhaustion.

I am so damned tired , Alec thought as he slid down the door with his knees brought close to his chest. Every inch of his body was shaking with endless fatigue that he wondered when he would ever not be tired or in pain.