Tainted Tides

Chapter 23

*Dec's POV*

My eyes creaked open, crusted with old tears and searing from my dried corneas coming in contact with the salty sea air. I was still slumped on the floor against the wall right across from Ant's bed, with my arms containing my knees, and my head resting on something soft and warm. I noticed an odd warmth coming from the object I was leaning on, taking a long minute to process what it could be.

Ant.

He had spent the entire night on the floor with me, letting me cry myself to sleep, and then shifting just close enough for me to rest on his shoulder, but not placing a single finger on me. He'd respected my boundaries. As my mind slowly wakened, it began swirling with thoughts of guilt.

He probably hates me now. Of course, he's not like Mark, he didn't touch me all night. He didn't use me when I couldn't defend myself.

I pulled myself off of Ant's shoulder as my eyes hydrated from the emerging tears. I wiped away the crusty residue from my eyelids and buried my face into my knees again, feeling the tears stream down my cheeks. It started with those thoughts of guilt but within seconds, I knew that my tears weren't about those anymore, rather they'd simply served as a trigger to break the dam.

Within the minute I'd started crying, I heard a shuffle and the warmth appeared at my side once more. He had likely woken up from my movement and heard my almost silent sobs. Without making any attempt at physical contact, and simply letting me feel the warmth off of him he asked, "Dec-"

"I'm sorry Anth. We- we can do it now," I stuttered out, as the guilt overwhelmed me. "You... you deserve it..." I said, trying to control my emotions.

"Dec, stop." Ant said sternly, "you don't owe your body to anyone. I like you for who you are, not for what you can give me. I fucked up. As much as I hate myself for it, I can't change that," he paused and hung his head. "I'm just happy you're willing to stay with me after everything I've done... I'm so sorry Dec..."

After it all, he still knew I wasn't ready, and even when I'd offered myself to him, albeit out of guilt, he'd refused knowing I wasn't ready. Within a few words, he had washed away most of my guilt and reminded me why I fell in love with him, to begin with.

He cared about me.

He cared about me from the moment he'd saved me from my ship, and in a way I could never imagine.

I hadn't felt this wanted, since my mother had died. It finally felt like I belonged at someone's side.

I pulled Ant in by his arm and smashed our lips together, not caring about accidentally hurting us. As we broke apart, I leaned my forehead on his, panting softly as our sweat mingled on our brows, and whispered, "Thank you." With a short final peck, I stood up and pulled him up by his arm. "You spent the night on the floor 'cause of me, get some rest." Ant looked at me puffy-eyed, and simply nodded in exhaustion. He pulled me in for a lingering hug, letting me tuck my face into the crook of his neck, and lightly stroking the hair at the back of my neck. Eventually, I mustered the energy to pull away and watched him get into bed, before turning around and walking out of his door.

Lost in my thoughts about Ant, I closed the door behind me a tad too loudly. Within seconds, a regrettably familiar face peeked around a corner.

Dan Wooten.

My heart sank, but I refused to let it show on my face. With a facade sewn together with false confidence, I held my head up high and walked past him as if there was nothing odd about me walking out of the captain's quarters at the break of dawn.

Pushing the thought of repercussions to the back of my mind, I silently stepped into my room and crawled into my hammock. My night hadn't been particularly restful, so I was sure to make use of every minute until I had to be up for the day. I was asleep before my head settled. After what couldn't have been more than a couple hours, but felt like mere minutes, I was up and on my feet again, heading to the forecastle deck for breakfast. As I arrived with stotty in hand, I leant against the rail and enjoyed the silence while waiting for my friends.