Tainted Tides

Chapter 30

*Dec's POV*

I leaned against the railing of the forecastle deck, where Ant would normally join me, my forearms crossed against the wood and my face buried in them. Doctor Walliams words played and replayed in my head, along with the groans of pain and discomfort emitting from Ant's writhing body on the infirmary bed.

"It looks like his wound's been infected. I wouldn't be surprised if Charles didn't use regular bullets. All I can do is clean the wound and give him something to numb the pain- or possibly sleep through it all- and hope his body can sort it out its own"

David had made diagnosis in the middle of the night when Anthony had woken up in pain, his body wracking with sobs and waves of discomfort. I couldn't do anything for him but sit by his side and reassure him that he would be okay- whether I had convinced myself of that or not. David had eventually managed to get Anthony back to sleep through some oral and topical herbal pastes, and left me slumped against the wall with Robbie and Stephen by my side.

I had turned to Robbie and Stephen, mentioning that they should get some rest because they'd have to take control of the ship temporarily, and that I would be by Ant's side. I'd just wanted them out of the room. I needed room to process the fact that it was my fault. All of it.

If I hadn't stopped Ant from killing him.

If I hadn't yelled out, distracting him.

If I hadn't made Ant fall in love with me; he wouldn't have jumped in front of that bullet.

I lifted my head from my folded arms, wiping the tears from the bags under my eyes, and sniffled lightly to clear my nose. With heavy steps and rigid knees, I made my way back to the private infirmary room, fighting yawns as they weighed down on my limbs as compensation for my sleepless night, along with the soreness from my stagnant position. Denying my needs, I soldiered on: Ant had it worse, after all.

Entering the room, I was met with Robbie standing over the bed and Stephen sitting against the wall where I had spent the night.

"G'morning," I muttered through the dingy taste of morning breath in my mouth, and rubbed my eyes lightly as they adjusted to the dimly lit room. "He didn't wake up at all, barely even moved. I've only been gone for like fifteen minutes," I continued as a yawn slipped through my barricades.

Robbie approached me and wrapped me in a hug, guiding my head to pillow on his shoulder. "Thank you for looking after him. Stephen will be here, you go get some rest Dec."

Internally I shot my eyes open and mustered all my energy to oppose, but externally all my body managed to do was nuzzle a bit deeper into the comforting hug and mutter, " 'm fine."

I managed to pull away, once again fighting sleep like the setting sun fought against the horizon- doomed to be overcome. Through a stifled yawn I managed to say, "No, really. I'm okay. Stephen can help you keep things running up there instead of covering for me while I waste time sleeping."

Robbie placed his hands on my shoulders and met my gaze, reflecting nothing but concern directed at me. "Dec. No. Go to sleep. Please. Don't worry, if anything happens- if he wakes up, you'll be first to know. I promise," he said grabbing the nape of my neck and rubbing his thumb over my jaw affectionately, "get some rest pal, pal."

I shot a glance at Stephen, silently asking for his approval to leave him alone with Ant, and watched as he nodded, a similar concern reflected for me in his eyes. With a defeated sigh and an understanding nod I said, "okay... But get David before you get me. He'll actually be able to help," before I exited the room and walked to the captains quarters to sleep on Ant's bed; I needed comfort and his scent on his bedding was the best I could get for the time being. I curled into his bed, pulling his pillow into my arms, letting my sobs drown out the sounds of his pained groans playing in my head along with the painful reminders that I was to blame; I fell asleep.