All the Little Secrets

CHAPTER 8. TORN

Chapter 8. Torn

A couple of weeks pass since that last moment with Liam, the one that left me quite broken. August disappears as September welcomes Liam's seventeenth birthday party at Cage's house, the whole family invited. I fake not feeling well, and only Parker calls me out on it.

"You're barely ever sick," he stands, hands across his chest, judging me in my doorway.

"PJ, I just want some time alone," I mumble from under my blanket.

"You ok? Want me to stay home with you?"

"No, go have fun with Liam," I poke my head out for a moment to his concerned eyes. "I'm ok, just, blah."

I convince him to go, and the whole mansion quickly becomes empty, leaving me to my thoughts. Liam doesn't want me there; we've barely spoken other than "pass the bread" or "can I have some of that" at the dinner table. No eye contact, no words of substance, nothing. I'm thankful for a break from Liam Winters, but there's now a hole in my heart from trying not to feel anything for him at all.

Then his birthday passed, and Liam seems to have forgotten our fight, or that I even exist. He's back with Morgan and isn't afraid to show it, parading her around the mansion, showing her off like a trophy, and Morgan basks in it. He gets drunk and stoned with her every night, and at times, when I go to write by the pool, I can hear them having sex. Each moan's a dagger to my heart, so I avoid the backyard when he's home.

Seth has also been keeping his distance from me. Every time I see him and Farrah together, he finds a way to excuse himself and leave. In our classes together, he sits by himself and barely looks at me. I try to not let it bother me, but then choir class comes, and Liam has Becca, Seth hangs with the other students, and I'm left sitting by myself, feeling so very alone.

I convinced my mom to drive me to school now, explaining how much I miss some one-on-one time together. I don't tell her it's because Seth's mad at me, and Liam hates me. But me missing her isn't really a lie either.

This morning on the way to MHS, she asks about school, how I'm adjusting to Malibu. I change the subject to talk about her new business adventure. My mom's 'LJC Salon and Spa' is underway for a December opening.

"I'm nervous," my mom admits, gripping the steering wheel. "I'm not sure how welcoming Malibu will be to me."

"They will love you, Mom," I say with conviction, and she smiles.

"I really want to know how you are doing," she changes the subject back to me.

I think before I respond.

"I'm alright. I miss New Jersey, but I'm okay."

"Interesting," she says.

"What?"

"This is the first time you referred to New Jersey as New Jersey, not as 'home'."

"Huh."

My mom falls silent for a minute, then asks, "How's Parker doing?"

Not great, I want to say, but I don't. These past few weeks have affected Parker; he barely leaves his room and I don't see him smile much anymore. Marco told me that Byron and his friends have been teasing Parker at school. I went to William's office to tell him his son is a jerk, but my mom was already there, doing that for me.

I guess she does pay attention.

I decide to keep my promise to Marco that whatever he tells me about Parker will remain a secret. I think of what to answer her instead. This morning when I asked Parker how school was going, he did say that it's getting better. He would never lie to me.