All the Little Secrets

CHAPTER 35. I LOVE YOU

Chapter 35. I Love You

The room fades in and out as I try to keep my eyes open, but the amount of pain medicine the doctor has pumping through my veins causes me to be so disoriented. The back of my hand scratches at the tube in my nose, which the nurses keep having to put back in. I know that I asked to see Liam, but was it in my head, or did the nurse actually hear me?

The door to my room opens. One nurse holds the door for a tall boy with broad shoulders, a mess of brown hair on the top of his head, his freckles covered in blood. The way he looks at me scares me, as if he wants to run when all I want is for him to stay.

"Hi," I breathe out in a whisper as he comes to the side of my bed. I reach out my hand and he takes it, holding it up to his face as he sits next to me. His head bows as he begins to cry. "Don't cry..."

"I thought I lost you," he sobs into my hand, and I shush him.

"Never..." I take a moment to breathe before I say, "Guess it did come close there, huh?"

Liam looks at me as I try to smile.

"Are you making a joke right now?"

"Is it... helping?"

He smiles softly. "No, not at all."

Then he leans in and kisses me.

"Listen," he pauses. "I have to talk to you -"

"About Morgan?" He's confused for a moment, but when I add, "She's pregnant with your baby," he becomes impatient.

"There are more important things we need to talk about than Morgan."

"No," I say, though my voice sounds dragged, tiny. "You're gonna be a dad."

"If it's even mine..."

"Don't ghost her," I say as he stares down at me. "Don't disappear. She needs you."

"You need me," he whispers. "I need you."

"I'm here."

Liam bows his head for a moment before he says, "I know. But it's me who has to go. There's something I have to do."

I try to sit up but the pain in my stomach hurts too badly. A gasp of pain escapes my mouth, hitting Liam hard in the chest. He backs away from me, guilt warping his face.

"I'm fine," I say to him, but he shakes his head at me.

"No, you're not fine, Avery! You almost died!"

"But I didn't..."

I want to argue back, but the pain becomes more intense.

"You could have, when you walked in front of that bullet for us, for me. You put my life ahead of yours. That's not what I wanted."

A burst of energy surges through me.

"So you're the only one who can protect the ones you love?" I take a deep breath, speaking harder to do, the pain almost unbearable. "It's my life." My finger jams down on the button connected to my IV bag for more medicine to numb the pain. "I get to decide."

"Well, this is my life, and here's what I choose," he argues. "I'm going to turn myself into the police."

"No -"

"I have to. For those girls, I have to. For my conscious, I have to."

"Liam -" Suddenly I feel nauseous, but I try to fight through it. "Not your fault..."

"Yes, it is." Liam approaches me again, leaning in to kiss me, a quick, soft kiss. His tears hit my cheeks. "I have to do this."

"No, Liam -"