All the Little Secrets

CHAPTER 30. HOLD ON

Chapter 30. Hold On

Days pass, and I'm on autopilot, thoughts of Liam consuming me. I'm falling behind in my classes, can't speak to anyone without the urge to cry, and finally on Wednesday, I beg Cage to take me home after first period. He agrees, and we skip the rest of the school day. He stays with me as I finally fall asleep, the first time in almost a week.

My dream self walks up to an abandoned building, knocking three times on the door. The door opens and it's Liam, bloodied and bruised, his vacant eyes staring into mine. He whispers my name, "Avery, Avery," and I reach out to him. He disappears like a mist, and I call for him as I fall into spiraling darkness, suffocating from my own screams.

"Avery, wake up!" Hands are on me, shaking me awake. I sit up as sweat drips down my face. It's so dark in my room, I can barely see anything. How long have I been asleep?

Cage reaches over to my nightstand for a hand towel and softly wipes away the sweat.

"Is this what her nightmares are like?"

A quiet, tired voice speaks into the dark room, and I fly off my bed in surprise.

Liam leans against my bedroom door.

"It's usually worse," Cage whispers, sitting up against my headboard.

I look between both boys, disoriented from sleep.

"Liam? You're really here?"

"I'm here," he says softly, and I rush over to him. I pause before I reach out to touch him, scared he will disappear as his dream self did. When I run my fingers down his beautiful, bruised face, to his broad shoulders, down his chest, and softly against his ribs, I accept that the Liam before me is really him. I begin to cry against his chest.

Liam holds me up against the door, and neither boy says anything as I allow myself to melt against him. I breathe him in and it's like I'm whole again. He runs his fingers through my hair, down my neck, rubbing my back. He kisses my forehead as I slowly regain control. I kiss him as I've never kissed him before, forgetting for a moment the predicament we're in.

Then reality hits me, hard. I back away from him.

"Where've you been?"

"I told you, I had to go," Liam says softly, and I shake my head.

"You left me."

"He had to," Cage defends him.

Without looking at Cage, directing my glare at Liam, I snap, "Stay out of this." Cage groans, but I ignore him. "You left me like it was nothing."

"I had to go, you don't understand -"

"No, I think I understand more than you know."

"Avery -" Cage warns, but I interrupt him.

"I don't care what they make you do, I don't care what you think you're protecting me from; I don't need your protection. What I need is for you to be here."

I promised Garrett I would not say anything to Liam, so I won't, but I also won't pretend that I'm not angry.

My stomach's in knots as he whispers, "I don't want to hurt you."

"When you leave me, you do, every single time. When you push me away, you do, every. Single. Time. It's such crap."

"I'm sorry," Liam self-destructs. "I told you that I wasn't what you need..."

"No! NO!" I scream at him, and both boys look at me in surprise. "You don't get to do that! You're looking for an out like you always do. Do you even want me?!"