All the Little Secrets

CHAPTER 13. FALLING SLOWLY

Chapter 13. Falling Slowly

Chambers members spend all their free time practicing for the Cabaret. Becca sings a lot in her room, which sometimes causes Byron to scream at her through the door. It's quite funny for Parker and me to watch how unruly they are to each other. Makes me appreciate how much love is between my brother and me.

Liam and I spend a lot of time practicing alone for the Cabaret when Seth doesn't show. He's trying to balance the upcoming date of his mother's death-aversary while also taking care of his drunk father, along with everything else going on in his life. He goes days without talking to me. I promised I would wait it out, so I try my best to be patient and understanding, but all I end up feeling is really lonely. That's until rehearsal each night with Liam. We spend a lot of time laughing and talking about random things between practicing our song. Liam lets his guard down during our nights together, and I try to soak up as much of the real Liam Winters as I can; come morning, he goes back to being closed off, and I go back to feeling bitter about it.

When we're not rehearsing, I spend a lot of time at school by myself, except for the classes I have with Jasmine and Farrah. I endure Liam with Morgan at school, and after school if he doesn't have practice. I keep myself out of the mansion when she's over, going running down at the beach or through the hills of Malibu. I try to time it to be back at the mansion after she leaves. There was one time I came back as she was leaving, and the way they both looked disheveled as they emerged from the poolhouse told a lot about what they were doing inside of it. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did.

Sometimes I chat with Marco, but even he feels distant. He's like a memory I want to hold on to forever, but slowly beginning to slip away with time. I know he feels it, too; there's a tone of sadness in our goodbyes.

The nights are the hardest for me. After the high of practicing with Liam, I return to my bedroom and lay awake thinking about Seth; where he is, what he's doing, or if he's even thinking of me. I scroll through pictures on my phone or his socials, looking at the ones of us smiling and being silly. I miss how happy we once were.

Sometimes I hear Liam play his music in the night, and my thoughts then drift to him; his smile, the way he looks at me when I sing, our time spent together at his piano... but then I feel guilty thinking of Liam when I should be thinking of Seth.

Even my brother has a better, more stable love life than me. He and Laney have been testing out a relationship; she's always here and they're always holding hands. He seems to be on the phone more often, not just with her but with other kids at school. I often catch Byron visiting Parker, and at first I wanted to protect him from Byron, but I soon realized they were actually hanging out, like real friends. I still wonder about Parker with Kris though; Kris hasn't been around in a while.

Two weeks pass by quickly. It's the day of the Cabaret; we spend all of our Chambers class preparing for the show. Mrs. Leyva shows her anxiety as she continues to poke and prod us over little flaws in our performances.

Seth doesn't show up to school so Liam and I don't perform for her. Mrs. Leyva looks concerned and asks to speak with Liam privately. I continue listening to our recording of the song, making sure I know my part exactly.

I try to call Seth after school to see where he is, but no answer.

Becca taps me on the shoulder. "Want a ride?"

I nod. Liam joins us. The three of us chat on the way home, almost comfortably.

I spend most of the afternoon doing homework and studying for exams. I keep checking my phone, but nothing comes from Seth. By the time I finish my homework, it's time to get ready for the showcase. I take a quick shower and let my hair fall into loose, wet waves as I pick out an outfit to wear. Mrs. Leyva decided on black and white attire since it's most classy.