Pessimist

7 - Afterparty

Trigger Warning: Mentions of drugs, violence, verbal abuse

- - -

"Should we drive her back to campus?"

I stirred somewhat awake, my body aching as I felt myself lurch. We were in a car, I could tell from the smell of the leather and the smoothness of the drive. My hands moved to brush over the handle, before I let it go. I did certain things naturally like leave the front door purposefully unlocked or have an extra weapon stashed away in the bathroom.

"No, we'll take her back to my apartment. It'll be easier to take care of her."

"No," I murmured. I wasn't going to risk Dean's safety again because I decided to act thoughtlessly again. That was on me and if something happened to him, I would never forgive myself.

"Shhh," Dean whispered, stroking my hair. "You're okay. You're safe."

"No," I cried out, my voice was hurting so it was only a mere whisper. "Take me back to the dorms."

"No fucking way," Dean replied from above me. My eyes unblurred and I blinked more awake, taking in my surroundings. The car was mostly empty, Alyan and Vanessa in the front seat while we were secured in the back, far away so that they couldn't hear us talk. With more awareness, I realized I was laying across the seats, my head on Dean's lap as he eagerly stroked my hair away from my face giving my raging headache a sense of relief. My stomach cramped with pain, I could see my shirt riding up so I quickly pushed it down.

"Dean," I looked up, however his eyes were already on mine. "Take me back to the dorms."

"Fuck. No." He said again. He saw the panic on my face, assuming it was because I was scared to be alone with him and clarified. "You can barely lift yourself up, Sophia. Never mind, take care of yourself right now. I'd be fucking stupid to leave you alone in this state, it wouldn't be safe."

"I can do it," I nodded slightly, voice giving out. "I've always been taking care of myself just fine."

Dean moved his hand from my hair to my face, brushing away strands so my eyes weren't blocked. His expression softened as his eyes searched mine, trying to figure out a way to say what he wanted to say. "I know you can," He whispered. "But you need to let others take care of you for a change."

I smiled weakly at him. "I'm not like you, Dean." I softly spoke. "There are no others."

"Then let me be that person, Soph. Let me be the one that you lean on when things get too rough."

"It's easier this way," I shook my head with what little energy I could muster. "You won't get hurt."

"How will I get hurt?"

"I can't...I can't be there for you the way there are. I can't do what they do. When you look at them, you see family. Permanent. When you look at me, you see temporary." I slowed off as I shut my eyes, moving my head to the side so he couldn't see my face. "I'll always be temporary."

My breathing returned back even, my mind dozing off as I thought of simpler times. Times where even though I was sleeping on the dirtiest of mattresses or the cleanest of grass, at least I was far away from harm. At least I was at peace. At least I had myself.

- - -

"Come on, little troublemaker." I felt myself being shook awake, the small movement making me let out a groan. "It's time to get up now."

Blinking away the sleep, my eyes gazed around the car just to find it empty. I swear I heard voices the last time I was here, I was sure of it.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. Take it easy," Dean soothed, helping me up. "Does your head still hurt?"