Pessimist

11 - Panic

Trigger Warning: Mentions of pills, panic attack

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"Hey, Sophia. It's time to wake up now." I was gently shook away, a blurry Dean entering my vision as I moved to sit up. Rubbing my eyes, I glanced around.

"What time is it?"

"It's time to eat. Come on," He helped me get out of bed.

I stumbled slightly, still a bit sore from our events from earlier and followed Dean out into the living room. I guess I was more tired than I thought, a yawn escaping me. Climbing to sit on the bar stool, I yawned again as he placed a plate full of food in front of me. My stomach rumbled, and I looked down in embarrassment.

Rather mention it, he only gestured for me to eat the food. It was white rice and some sort of curry chicken on top, and I didn't waste any time before I dug in.

"How is it?" He asked, taking a seat beside me. I was in the middle of a bite, chewing thoughtfully as I took in his cooking. It wasn't bad at all, in all honesty. It was a pretty simple South Asian dish to make, however the fact that he made it properly is what sold me.

"You're not that bad of a cook, pretty boy."

He smirked, grabbing a glass of water and taking a sip. "Not that bad?" He repeated and I rolled my eyes on a smile, nudging him playfully with my shoulder.

"Hey, did you happen to bring my notes with you? I still have some studying to do on that topic."

I swallowed the food in my mouth, nodding. "Yeah, it should be in my binder. I'll get it to you later."

I had finished my plate pretty fast, yearning for a second but I didn't want to look greedy. Dean frowned at me, turning my barstool so I faced him.

"When was the last time you ate properly? And that pizza we had doesn't count, you barely finished your one slice."

I hesitated, opening my mouth to lie before I saw his concerned expression. Sighing, I rubbed my hand over my face to wipe away the last bit of sleep and to hide myself away from a reaction I knew he was about to have.

"Last week," I mumbled.

"What?" He exclaimed.

My hunger subsided due to thoughts about Devon and his texts, and oxy. I seemed to unknowingly replace all my meal with it and some water. I knew it was bad but the pain was worse. Alex would sometimes bring food over but I would excuse myself, always feeling like I was about to puke.

"Sophia, why weren't you eating?"

"Eating wasn't exactly the number one thing on my mind, Dean." I sighed, looking down. I couldn't handle him looking at me like I was delicate again.

"Sweetheart," He sighed, his hand cupping my cheeks to lift me to his gaze. "You need to eat. You wanna get better, right?"

I nodded.

"Good. That means eating proper meals. Some coffee or a granola bar isn't going to cut it, that isn't healthy. Here," He placed more food onto my plate.

Before I could dive in again, he pulled me towards his body, wrapping his arms around my shoulders gently, one hand cupping the back of my head.

"One week?" He muttered to himself in disbelief, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

I let myself be comforted by him, understanding where he was coming from. He was right, that wasn't healthy, however going days without food was something my body was used to and so larger meals wasn't exactly something I could eat all the time. Though, I had to try for myself. My body wasn't going to heal off of coffee or water, and I wasn't going to restrict myself to that lifestyle anymore. He pulled away, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear and we quietly went back to finishing our meals.