Pessimist

9 - Permanent

I hadn't gone to class the next day, and Alex had come by to take care of me. After my dilemma on the floor, she helped me onto my bed before refilling my water bottle and placing the cream on my side table in case I needed to apply more .

"I'll come back as soon as I'm done," She promised, having to go back to her dorm to get her homework. I declined, already feeling guilty about having her help me but she just rolled her eyes, telling me that she was here to stay. A small smile pulls at my mouth when I think about me doing that to Dean.

"I'm fine," I mumbled, waving her off but she ignored it, turning to walk out the door.

"I'll be back, Sophia. I'm here and you aren't getting rid of me."

"Yet," I sighed, most definitely pulling a Dean in this moment. He would be proud, I assumed, with me finally toning down and becoming a grump like him.

I spent the rest of the day sleeping or scrolling through my phone, Alex giving me her Netflix account so I decided to watch a couple of more episodes of How To Get Away With Murder. The thought of it always got me thinking of Dean, and a blush rose on my cheeks as I realised I was getting myself in way too deep thinking of possibilities between us. It couldn't happen, I had to tell myself. No matter how much my brain wanted it. Halfway through the episode I was interrupted by a call, it wasn't a contact so I cautiously clicked the green button and placed it by my ear.

"Hello?" I asked, kind of scared of who would respond.

"Sophia? Hey, are you alright? Do you still feel sick?"

"I'm okay," I slowed down, relaxing against my bed. "And yeah, I feel sick so I may not go at all this week."

He remained silent, before speaking. "You feel that bad? Do you...do you need me to come over?"

"No!" I shouted, wincing. "I meant, no that's not necessary."

"Did you eat? I can bring you some food-" The worry in his tone made my heart sink.

"I ate," I lied. "I'm perfectly fine, Dean. It's just a stomach bug."

"Sophia...do you remember what I said to you in the car?"

I remembered.

"I know it's hard but...you need to let others take care of you for a change," He reminded me gently, and I could only hold the tears back as I responded.

"Do you remember what I said?"

"Sophia-"

"I gotta go, pretty boy. Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself." I ended the call and clicked the icon in the middle so the episode would go again. I knew I was being an asshole, but I'd rather be an asshole than have Dean find me in this state. Despite his hard exterior, his kindness the other day made me realise just how big his heart is and it would crush me if I was yet another worry to his life.

I sighed again, shutting off my phone and looking up at the ceiling as I waited for Alex to come back. In all honesty, I was relishing in her presence. It was nice being friends with another girl, someone who can relate so heavily to my thoughts and emotions.

My mind once again went back to those memories, and I was trying to find what exactly had led me to this moment. How did I even find the courage to leave and start new?

"You're useless! You never cared about me, all you cared about was having someone with cash." He yelled, starting up another fight that I had no energy for. It seems like this is all he wanted to do these days; argue.

"That's not true!" I exclaimed back, but was immediately met with a palm to my face. I froze, shocked. He had never touched me before...it was usually all verbal attacks. The numbness faded and my eyes stung with tears as I brought a hand up to soothe the ache.