Pessimist

39 - Home

"Dean, I have to pee." I mumble, my body tucked in between his. We're currently in his room—a place where he has put me to rest after a long day of catching up with homework and lectures—with Dean sitting up against the headboard while I sit in between his legs, slumped. A blanket covers us fully and Dean's hand is cupping the back of my head, pressing me further into him with the other circling around my waist.

"Five more minutes," He grumbles, his eyes closed as he takes his power nap. Dean and Alex had taken the liberty to gather my assignments and notes from classes I've missed, also letting my professors know my situation. Final exams are this week and with Dean tutoring me and Alex coming over to study, I feel like I'll do fine.

"In five minutes I'll have wet the bed."

"Just let me hold you for a little while longer, baby." At that, I melt, and let him do as he pleases. As soon as I had gotten back, Dean was more precautious than normal. Making sure our phones are always charged and nearby, keeping my illegal pepper spray stocked, making sure the doors on my car are locked properly and the same with our front door. He even bought a special lock reinforcer online for the days that I'm home alone.

Sometimes, he'd get up in the middle of the night and walk over to my room, kiss my forehead, before sitting on the chair beside my bed and sleep there for the remainder of the night as if someone would break in and steal me away.

"If I pee, you'll have to marry me. You've basically seen all my worsts at that point, I can't let another girl have you."

"You get all my firsts, Soph." He says drowsily, arms tightening as his chin ducks down so he can kiss my hair.

I hold my breath for a beat, shut my eyes before opening them and whispering a confession I've been doing since the day I got discharged:

"I love you."

But he's asleep and he can't hear it, and I can't help but wonder if this will always be something that I fail to say with confidence.

- - -

"No more fucking exams!" Alex bellows from beside me. "We're finally free!" I'm in the passenger seat of her car, an overly expensive caffeinated drink in my hand as we drive away from our university where we've both completed the last exam of our student years.

Alex and I will both be graduating with a Bachelor of Arts with the same major—Criminal Justice—however my minor is psychology while her's is political science. Coincidentally enough, political science is one of Dean's majors (he's double majoring) and his minor is criminal justice which is how we all managed to have classes together.

Dean's last exam was yesterday where after that, he helped me study for my exam in which we wore ourselves down to the point that we forgot to make dinner. By the time the food we ordered online had come, Dean was slumbering and slumped over one of my textbooks and I had to tiredly feed him the food so he wouldn't go malnourished.

"Baby," I whisper to him, a cup of water with a straw in it in one hand, while the other holds a few fries. "Open up."

He doesn't fuss or respond back in words, simply moving his body over so one arm is slung on the couch cushion as his head rests over so he can easily open his mouth as I put the straw to his lips. He looks like a bear like this, adorably snuggly and I have to resist the temptation to set everything down and cuddle for the remainder of the night.

After drawing in three mouthfuls of water, he swallows and opens his mouth again when I tap the fries to his lips. I've been feeding him an alternation of fries, water, chicken nuggets, and grapes because they were the easiest foods for him to eat in this state.