BAMBOOZLED

The Family Disappointment

Muggles are so damn easy to fool. I don't know why I grew up being scared about them figuring out that I was a witch. My parents always told me "Vicelia, you have to be careful around muggles, they could hurt you".

Please. They're not nearly smart enough to hurt me. They're stupid actually. I spend a lot of time around muggles even though I find them annoying. They unfortunately fund my current lifestyle. See, I steal from them and then sell their belongings to wizards. You'd be surprised how many wizards are into muggle paraphernalia.

All it takes is finding the right muggle.

See there's different kinds of muggles. Muggles who are lonely, muggles who are too busy, muggles who are absolutely oblivious and muggles who desperately like to be needed. Two of these kind make the best targets.

Lonely and busy muggles are no good. Lonely ones means they like to talk and that runs the risk of exposure and the busy ones don't even notice you, so they're useless at best.

However, the absolutely oblivious and the ones who desperately like to be needed are perfect for what I do. I have a ninety-nine percent success rate with them. It should be one hundred, but hey, even I'm not perfect.

I surveyed the streets carefully, looking for my next victim. A man with a suitcase. No he's a busy muggle. Let's see...ooh an old woman walking a small dog. Nah, she looks kind of lonely. Ooh. A bloke around my age with a messenger bag. There must be a lot in there. And he seems like the type to want to save someone.

I waited for him to get close enough and then collapsed in front of him.

"Ma'am!" He exclaimed. "Are you alright?"

I squinted my eyes and saw him take his messenger bag off and kneel down next to me. I closed my eyes as he lifted me up and checked my pulse to see if I'm still breathing.

"Do CPR on her!" Someone called.

He lowered me to the ground again and put his lips on mind and blew in my mouth. Ooh minty.

"Try chest compressions!"

Oh no! My eyes fluttered open. "What...what happened?" I whispered.

"You fainted."

"Oh that's so embarrassing!" I laughed as he helped me up. My eyes were on his bag. "Did you save my life?"

He smiled shyly. "I mean, I don't know if I saved your life, but I helped."

"No you saved my life!" I hugged him tightly. "Did you guys hear that, he saved my life!"

"Yeah, I saw that!"

"I got it on my phone!"

"Someone take his picture!

"Yes, take his picture, he's a hero!" I said, letting everyone crowd around him.

I bent down and picked up his bag. I quickly walked away. By the time I reached the brick wall to get to Diagon Alley I could hear my savior call "Has anyone seen my bag?"

I chuckled to myself as I tapped the bricks. That poor boy. He was never going to see this bag again. Hope he doesn't have anything too important in it.

--

I love Diagon Alley. It is so busy and fun and there seems like a million things are going on. I was shocked to see another shop had come up. Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. Where do I know that name from? Maybe I dated Weasley once or something. Who can even keep up with last names?

Maybe I'd stop by later. It was bright and looked like a lot of fun.

Where Diagon Alley becomes Knockturn Alley, the whole mood changes. Things go from bustling and bright to shady and skeezy. Still I like it. The thought of going somewhere I shouldn't be was exciting to me.