It's still early in the morning, so most of the team isn't up yet. Jack is sitting on the couch, texting Alba. Robbie comes into the living room and sits next to Jack.
Robbie: Morning, Jack.
Jack: Mornin'.
They sit in silence for a bit, Jack still texting.
Robbie: Who are you texting?
Jack: My girlfriend.
As if on cue, Tessa comes into the room right when Jack says "girlfriend."
Tessa: Ooooh, Jackie Boy has a giiiiirlfriiiienddd.
Jack: Yes, I do.
Tessa: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, what's her naaaame?
Jack: Her name's Alba.
Robbie, who heard him wrong: Did you just say her name was Elbow?
Jack: No, it's Alba.
Tessa: I like Elbow better.
Jack: Too bad, Tess. Her name's Alba. And before you go around telling the whole base that I have a girlfriend named Elbow, I'll have you know I'm not comfortable with the whole team knowing about my dating life. So please keep this on the downlow.
Robbie: One thing you should know about Tessa. Keeping things on the downlow? Not her thing.
Tessa: EVERYONE, JACK HAS A GIRLFRIEND NAMED ELBOW!!
Robbie: I rest my case.
Jack, through gritted teeth: Her name is Alba.
Tessa: Her name is Elbow, and that is what I'm going to call her for the rest of time.
Jack: For Christ's sake, Tessa-
Jon bursts into the room.
Jon: DID YOU JUST USE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN?!?!?
Tessa: Is this normal?
Jack: Yup.
Jon: I HAVE NO TOLERANCE FOR THAT IN MY CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD. REPENT!!!!!!
Jack: I'm Jewish, Jon. I can say "for Christ's sake."
Robbie: Anyway, Jack has a girlfriend called Elbow.
Jack: Oh, not you too, Robbie.
Tessa: That's my boy.
Jon: I'm assuming Elbow isn't her real name?
Jack: Her name's Alba, but these two nimrods keep calling her Elbow.
Tessa: Hey! I'll nunchuck you for that! Wait, what's a nimrod?
Robbie: It basically means idiot.
Tessa, standing up: Oh yeah, he's getting nunchucked.
You can see the fear in Jack's eyes.
Jon: Jack, son, can I talk to you for a moment?
Jack, with a sigh of relief: Yeah, sure. Jack isn't short for Jackson, though. It's just Jack.
Tessa: You got lucky this time, but as soon as you and Jesus Man are done talking you're gonna see the wrong side of my nunchucks.
They go into Jon's room and sit on his bed.
Jack: What's up?
Jon: Your girlfriend, Alba. I want you to tell me about her. What's she like?
Jack: Well, we'll have been dating for five years this September. We met online-
Jon: Of course you did. Everything's online these days, and I absolutely hate it. Back in my day, when we wanted to talk to our friends we'd send them a letter by carrier pigeon.
Jack: People used pigeons to deliver mail? Ughh, I hate pigeons. Their eyes scare me. Anyway, Alba matched with me on a dating site, and I couldn't believe that a girl like her would ever fall for a guy like me. She was gorgeous, even more so in person.
Jon: Looks are one thing, but what is it about Alba's personality that made you want to keep dating her?
Jack: I love everything about her. Her smile, her corny sense of humor, everything. Also, being a healer, I think you'd like this: she just got into NYU medical school.
Jon: Ah yes, another healer. And one from New York, no less. New York's the best state. I used to live in the city. Later on in life I moved to Los Angeles, where I met my wife, then we moved back to Long Island a few years ago so we could be closer to her family.
Jack: Cool. I'm from the city.
Jon: Where in the city?
Jack: Chelsea, in Manhattan.
Jon: Ah, yes. The big apple.
Jack: Yeah. It's pretty crazy there.
Jon: Boy, do I ever know. Anyway, a word of advice: she's always right. Even when she's wrong, she's right.
Jack: That's some solid advice. What's your wife like? How did you meet?
Jon: Alright, this is a pretty long story. It was five years ago, back when I lived in LA.
Flashback scene starts. We are in a church. We see Jon, getting up to leave, when he notices a girl with blue hair, later revealed to be Lauren Collins. Entranced by her beauty, Jon approaches Lauren.
Jon, voiceover: The thing about love is that it comes to you when you least expect it. I'd been living in Los Angeles for a while now, and I saw a girl at my church who I hadn't seen before. In all my time on this Earth, I'd never laid eyes on a creature as beautiful as she.
Jack, voiceover: You met her at church? Why am I not surprised?
Jon: Hey, I don't believe I've seen you around. I'm Jonathan Bellion. Everyone calls me Jon, though.
Lauren: I'm new to this church. I, uh, just moved here. From Long Island. She offers her hand for him to shake. Lauren Collins. It's a pleasure to meet you, Jon.
Jon, shaking her hand: Trust me, Lauren, the pleasure is all mine. He takes out a pen and paper, writes his phone number, and gives it to Lauren. Here's my phone number. Call me if you need anything.
Lauren: Will do. It was great meeting you.
She starts to head out the door.
Jon: Just a moment. Do you want to hang out later?
Lauren: Uh, sure. I'm free around 8.
Jon: 8 works for me too. I know a place; I'll send you the location. See ya!
Lauren: See ya.
It cuts back to Jack and Jon sitting together.
Jack: So that's how you met?
Jon: Yeah, but we didn't start dating until later. You know my song, Human?
Jack: Yeah, is that about her?
Jon: Yeah, I didn't know how to tell her how I felt, so I wrote that song. She heard it, obviously, and the rest is history.
Jack: That's really nice.
Jon: Yeah, I'm pretty proud of it. It was the first of many songs about Lauren.
Jack: Aww. Uh, I better go now. Tessa's probably waiting to nunchuck me. Heal me after I get nunchucked?
Jon: True. I'll gladly heal you. She doesn't hold back when it comes to those sparkly things.
Jack, laughing: Ain't that the truth.
Jack leaves the room. From off-screen, you can hear the sound of nunchucks, as well as Jack's girlish screams. End of episode. Roll credits.
