evanescence (2.) | ✔️

Nate

I GET AHOLD of my tears as best as I can. Roman had seen me in far too many vulnerable states. He didn't need to see me cry like a little baby as well. "I shouldn't have come," I mumbled, leaning against Devin's car. "I'm unhinged. They shouldn't even let me out of my own house."

"Personally, I thought you handled that very well. You didn't break his nose, at least," Roman says with a wink. I smile softly. "Come on, follow me."

He begins walking away and I trail after him, the bottle of vodka dangling in my hand. I expect him to take me back to the main beach but instead, he leads me down a small path, a hidden one. It's dark and smells of sea salt and it doesn't take long to figure out why.

The ocean laps up at my feet before I realize it's so close, the cold numbing me instantly. I continue following Roman until we reach a small dune of sand that overlooks the water. He settles down onto it, leaning onto his knees. I do the same.

All I can hear is the roar of the ocean and the faint sound of music coming from the main beach. The sound makes me think of the party and Bryson and the look of disgust on his face. I open the bottle and take a long swig, focusing on the burn in my throat instead of the anger in my veins. I offer some to Roman but he scrunches his nose at the drink. "It's no Roman De Carlo cocktail but it gets the job done," I joke, taking another swig.

Roman scratches the back of his neck as if he's trying to decide something. "I don't really drink," he mumbles eventually. "Go on. Say it. It's nothing I haven't heard before."

A slow smile spreads on my face. "A bartender who doesn't drink. That's a new one."

"That's why I always make those drinks for you," he admits. "To see what you think of them. I try some here and there but alcohol and I don't really have a great relationship."

I want to ask why. The question is practically burning on my tongue. But something in his face had changed at the words and I suddenly knew he didn't want to talk more about it. So I let it go.

I breathe out a long sigh as Roman pulls out a pack of cigarettes. I watch him intently as he sticks one in his mouth and cups his hands around it as he lights the thing. He blows smoke out of his mouth facing away from me before glancing back. "Something wrong?"

I shake my head quickly, turning away. I hadn't meant to stare at him.

There's a silence for a while as we watch the waves roll over one another. Roman's voice nearly frightens me the next time he speaks. "Why'd you invite me here?"

I shrug, rolling the bottle around in my hands. I could feel it making my lips loose. "'Dunno," I mumble. "Sometimes I think it's easier to be around you than it is Robyn and Devin and Hayley and Hunter. I don't have to pretend to be okay. I don't have to keep it together. You didn't know him. You're not grieving. It's easier."