"There's a word I found recently. Evanescence. It made me think of you. It made me think of us. Were we just a dream, Sebastian?"
TW : Key themes of suicide and trauma.
WARNING: This is Book Two. Please read "affluenza" first to avoid any spoilers...
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"OH MY GOD, I've actually gone insane," I whisper, rubbing my eyes only to see Sebastian still staring at me. "You're not real. Y-you can't be real because you died last year."
Sebastian plays a single key, the epitome of nonchalance. "Okay, then. I'm not real."
"B-but you're here! You're playing the piano and you're looking at me and you're wearing Dolce & Gabbana!" I shriek, pointing at his shoes.
Sebastian's eyebrow quirks up, an expression I knew as well as I did the back of my hand. "So, I am real, then?"
I lean against the door, shutting my eyes. "I swear to God if I'm being haunted by some demon—"
Sebastian laughs and the sound is so familiar that my eyes snap open. "It really is you. You really are here."
Sebastian smiles sadly. "Hey."
I shake my head, pacing around the room. Was I crazy? I didn't feel crazy. My therapist would've told me if I was crazy. Right? "I don't understand this," I murmur, my feet stalling. "How are you here?"
"Does that really matter right now?" Sebastian asks, his blue eyes looking up at me. "I mean, you came here for a reason, didn't you? Isn't it because you missed me?"
I scoff. "God, Sebastian, of course, I miss you. It's just not every day I see my dead boyfriend playing piano in his old house."
I quit my pacing and walk over to him instead, gingerly taking a seat next to him. I reach over and grab his hand only for my fingers to fall through as if he were made of air. Sebastian sighs. "Yeah, I know. It sucks."
"So you're a ghost?" I mumble, fingering the piano keys. I was trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing. I was half sure I was dreaming, anyways.
"No," Sebastian scoffs. "I'm not some haunted soul still hanging around because I never got closure. I'm a figment of your imagination. Because you never got closure," he explains, his tone soft.
I knew it was true but the words send a pang to my chest. "Well, obviously. I didn't get closure. Because you never gave me the chance to." I was practically hysterical at this point. "Do you know how t-traumatizing that night was? Do you know how broken what you did has left me? I don't sleep, I'm constantly freaking out, I have a damn therapist. And now I'm seeing you like a crazy person."
Sebastian sighs softly. "You're not crazy."
I swallow hard, standing up from the bench and leaning against the instrument instead. "I hated you. Every single day that I've spent with you gone and me still here, I have hated you."
"I know." Sebastian's eyes are sad as he looks at me. "I know, and I'm sorry. I know that is nowhere near a good enough answer but it's true. I never meant to hurt you."
