the purge ○ matthew

16

16.

March 21, 2015

10:10 PM

Olivia Coleman

At first I thought adding two more people would be a bad idea, but now I'm starting to warm up to it, since I was now no longer alone and felt safe as Matthew and Bethany walked ahead while Blake and I walked behind them. Blake made me feel comforted, and he actually spoke to me and actually cared for me – the care I needed but never got from Matthew. 

Bethany giggled and Matthew grinned at her – a grin I'm not at all familiar with. I'm pretty sure Bethany helps Matthew escape the situation, and he's genuinely happy when he's around her – something Matthew was in need for but never got from me. 

Matthew and I are not compatible, and we definitely can't ever be together, I can confidently confess. We both don't give each other what we needed: he needed to be happy, and I needed to be cared for. If Blake would ask me to ditch the two now and just find our own route, I would actually follow him. I mean, it's not going to impact Matthew in any way. The only thing keeping me from leaving is Lauren – I have to save her. 

"So, what's up between you and Matthew?" Blake asked me after the both of us were silent. I looked up at him and chuckled. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean...what are you two, anyways? Are you two dating, cause I'm sure you two aren't related. And, if you were dating, then why is he leaving you behind him and giving me the impression that he's interested in my sister?" he pestered me with questions. 

"Uh, no, Matthew and I aren't dating," I laughed lightly at the thought of that ever happening, and the end result. "We're not related, either...and we're not even friends. So, I don't know what we are. But I do know something." 

"And that is?" 

"I know that I'm nothing to him and that he hates me." 

"Hey, that's not true." Blake tried to comfort me, but I didn't need the comfort. I was completely okay with knowing the truth; Matthew hates me and I know I mean absolutely nothing to him. 

"Oh, but it is, Blake. But it's okay...I mean, I can sense why." I laughed again and Blake shook his head, about to say something, but I interrupted him. "So, how do you feel about Matthew being interested in your sister?" 

He pondered and then shrugged. "I don't know. As long as I can trust him." 

The both of us now looked away from each other and looked at the front, at the two. Instead of seeing them laughing and chatting, they were silent, and I can only think that they were eavesdropping on Blake and I. I sure hope they weren't, though, because Matthew was not supposed to hear what I said about our 'relationship' with each other. 

After a bit of all four of us in complete silent, Bethany spoke up, turning around and walking backwards as she spoke to her brother. "Blake, I have to speak with you." she said and looked at me with a small smile, and I took that as a hint to switch places with her. And that's what we did. 

Blake and Bethany spoke quietly to each other; so quiet that we didn't even hear them speaking. Since I felt uncomfortable, being beside Matthew again, I looked down at the ground and maintained eye contact with the road, even shifting a bit to the side, so that there was space between Matthew and I. He glanced at me and stared at me for a while before looking back at the front.

Just being beside Matthew makes me feel disconsolate; it's sad. 

And the funny thing is, I have no idea what I did to make Matthew hate me like he does now. I was being valiant by volunteering to go to the supermarket – I don't know what I triggered in Matthew to make me dislike me. 

Bethany and I are pretty alike, from what I've noticed since we walked out of that alley together. The only difference was: Matthew likes her, and he hates me. 

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