The Lost Man

CHAPTER 14

"Why do people need to suffer?"

"Because we need to learn to survive, and if we can survive those sufferings and the lessons we've learned through the challenges we've experienced, we'll be able to share what we've learned with others"

Sagot ko sa kanya habang naka ngiti lang at tinatanaw ang ulap.

"I've heard a variety of responses to that question, but your response demonstrates your selflessness"

Agad akong napa tingin sa kanya.

I've spent my entire life, not for myself, but my family, and I'm not sure whether it qualifies as selflessness; all I know is that I need to sacrifice everything for my family, and I didn't realize I was losing myself in the process of rescuing them from the life they don't deserve.

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment, but I don't think it matters how unselfish I am; all I care about is that I should understand others, help others, and love those who are suffering"

I don't understand the world, so I attempted to understand it, blind to the fact that this would lead me to not fully understanding myself.

"Ahm.. are you not afraid of losing yourself?"

Napa hawak ako sa tuhod ng narinig ko ang kanyang tanong. Naka tingin lang ako sa mga alon habang si ric naman ay naka tingala na.

"I had already lost myself from the beginning. I'm not terrified anymore, Ric"

Pag tingin ko ni Ric na ngayo'y naka tingin na sa akin bakas sa kanyang mukha ang lungkot at pag aalala.

"You don't intend to look for it again? Maybe you need someone to help you rediscover yourself"

Every time I think about it, I wonder what would happen if I rediscovered myself. But I'm not sure what's holding me back.

"I don't know, maybe if I have all the strength in the world to rediscover myself, I'll be able to be myself again"

"I can say that you're so brave" sabay tingin niya sa akin at naka ngiti na siya ngayon.

"Thank you Ric, Ikaw rin...you're strong"

Itinaas ko ang kamay ko at hinawakan ang kanyang balikat. Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya.

"Let's go to our room ric, maaga pa tayo bukas"

Tumango lang siya at sabay kaming tumayo, pinapagpag namin ang aming shorts para matanggal ang buhanghin dito.

Nag lakad na kami papasok sa hotel kong saan kami nag sstay. Nang naka rating ako sa room ko dumaretso na agad ako sa Cr. Inalis ko ang lahat ng damit ko at agad nag tungo sa shower.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang daloy ng tubig sa katawan ko nang na pa isip ako sa sinabi ni Ric kanina na maybe I need someone to find myself again.

But, we do not need to rely on others or use them for our own gain. We are all born differently in this world, and we are the only ones who truly understand ourselves. We don't need other people's help when it will harm them.

Nang matapos na akong maligo nag bihis ako agad. Nang naka higa na ako na alala ko si Sin.

Sin is so unpredictable and confusing. I don't want to take his actions differently. Maybe his just playing with me.

Nakatulog ako sa mga inisip ko nang biglang tumunog ang telepono ko. Agad ko naman sinagot.

"Zub gising na, 6 am na"

Agad akong tumayo, lutang parin.

"Sorry Ric napasarap ang tulog, bababa na ako jan"

Habang hawak ko ang telepono ko sa tinga, sabay ko ring kinuha ang tuwalya papasok sa cr.