black & gold

Chapter 12

"Jesus, Hannah, four hours late to school? That's a new record for you," Tyler laughs as
Hannah takes a seat next to him at their usual lunch table. When Tyler glances at
Hannah's face, his eyes widen in shock, "Oh my God, what happened to you?!"
Hannah frowns and runs her fingers over her bruised and cut face, "I had to go to the ER
this morning. My dad saw me and Grace kissing."
"Fuck," Tyler exhales and brings a hand to his mouth, "He did this?"
Hannah hangs her head in response.
"This isn't okay, Hannah," Tyler states, eyes wide with concern.
"Yeah, Tyler, I know," Hannah retorts and shakes her head, "I stayed with Grace last
night. I'll probably be staying at hers for a while before I go back home."
"You lesbians and your U-Hauls," Tyler rolls his eyes before sighing heavily, "But you
can't just go back home, Han," Tyler shoots back, "That man is a psychopath, I knew it
from the moment I met him. I just never thought he'd hurt you this badly."
"It's fine. I'm fine," Hannah stresses, "I'm still alive. No broken bones."
Tyler crosses his arms and scoffs, "He beat you."
"It's not a big deal, alright? He's a pastor, I'm gay. I had this coming, Ty."
"Fuck you, Hannah. You didn't have this coming. You don't deserve any of this," Tyler
shakes his head, "You need to get out of there. For good."
"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?!" Hannah yells, abruptly, and quiets down
when several students look over at her, "Fuck, Tyler, do you honestly think I wouldn't
have jumped states already if I could?! If Naomi wasn't away at school and if my mother
weren't completely fucking useless, I would have been out of here last night. But
Maggie..."
"I know," Tyler nods in understanding and places his hand over Hannah's, "You're too
good of a sister."
"She's just a baby," Hannah frowns and runs a hand through her hair, "I can't leave her in
that house with him."
"You also can't go back there," Tyler comments, "Do you really think he'll hurt her?"
"I don't know," Hannah shakes her head, "But she shouldn't grow up like that, Ty. She
deserves better than the upbringing that Naomi and I had."
Tyler runs a hand over his face and nods, "I know, I know. Do what you need to do, but please be safe. Can you do that?"
"I'll try," Hannah responds.
Tyler exhales, "So is Maggie really the only reason you haven't jumped the border to
Mexico yet? Because I thought some girl from Kennedy might have something to do with
it..."
"No, Maggie really is the only thing keeping me here," Hannah says and a smirk grows
on her lips, "I'd take Grace with me."
Tyler rolls his eyes and puts his chin in his palm, "God, you're so cute. How are things
with you two, though? Seriously."
"Good... really, really good," Hannah responds and smiles to herself, "Can you keep a
secret?"
"Of course."
"I think I'm..." Hannah winces, "...in love with her."
"Well you could sound a little bit happier about it," Tyler laughs, "Jesus, you look like
you just killed her."
"It's weird, Ty," Hannah frowns, "I think about her constantly. Like, right now, I'm
thinking about her. I thought about her when I woke up this morning. I can't stop."
"You've got it bad," Tyler smiles and clasps his hands together, "This is great. I'm
thinking a Spring wedding... Grace seems like she'd look good in pastels..."
"Shut up," Hannah laughs and swats Tyler across the chest.
A beat goes by where Hannah feels like everything is normal. She feels as if she'll wake
up tomorrow morning in her bed and make breakfast for Maggie in a home that still
accepts her. When the laughter stops between the pair, she remembers.
She remembers that everything's completely fucked.
-
"Hey, Han?" Grace asks as Hannah focuses on the traffic in front of them. She had
insisted on picking Grace up from school every day - it was the least she could do
considering all the Helbig family was doing for her.
"Hm?"
"Who was the first girl you were ever with?" Grace asks, leaning her head back against
her headrest and smiling lazily at the girl behind the wheel. When Hannah's face hardens, Grace knows that she shouldn't have asked.
"You don't have to tell me," Grace shakes her head.
"No, I..." Hannah purses her lips and sighs heavily, "Her name was Emily. She was a
senior when I was a freshman. She was my first... everything, really, and I was hers, too.
We didn't date or anything like that - it was just sex. But I fell for her and she... fell for
some guy in her British Literature class and one day she just stopped responding to my
texts. When I approached her about it, it was as if I never existed."
"Did you love her?"
"No," Hannah says with certainty, "I thought I did, but I was younger and she was my
first real crush and I didn't know any better."
Grace nods and turns to look out her window.
"Hey," Hannah says softly, reaching over and resting her hand on Grace's thigh, "She
was nothing compared to how I feel about you. You know that, right?"
Grace blushes and smiles to herself, looking down at her lap, "Yeah."
"Good."
"Han?" Grace questions again, looking over at her girlfriend. She waits for Hannah to
glance over at her before continuing, "You're going to be okay, right? With everything
happening?"
Hannah opens her mouth to respond but nothing comes out. Instead, she runs a hand over
her face and sighs.
"I don't know."
"Do you think..." Grace bites her lip and then shakes her head, as if she's shaking away
the thought.
"No, tell me," Hannah presses, forming her lips into a frown.
"Do you think we'll be okay?"
Hannah glances over at Grace and her face immediately softens when she sees the look of
concern in the blonde's eyes.
"I want this to work out, Grace. So badly. You're the only stable, real thing I have right
now, you know?" Hannah asks and Grace nods in understanding, "I can't say for certain
if it'll work out because honestly, I have no way of knowing that, but... I will try to make
it work. With everything I have."
"Me too."