black & gold

Chapter 11

By the age of seventeen, there were two defining moments in Hannah Hart's life. First
was when she held a newborn Maggie in her arms for the first time and she felt as if she
was capable of giving all the love in the world. Second was when she was able to admit
to herself that she liked girls more than boys. It wasn't until a Wednesday afternoon in
early February that she experienced the third defining moment in her life.
The worst moment.
-
"C'mon," Hannah laughs, reluctantly pulling her lips away from Grace's, "We've been
out here for almost ten minutes. My dad's going to get suspicious soon."
"Fine," Grace replies and unwillingly unravels her arms from Hannah's neck, letting
herself out of the passenger side of her car.
When they enter Hannah's house, her father is waiting on their old, leather couch, a smile
across his face.
"Hey, girls," He grins, ear-to-ear, and puts his newspaper down, "How are you, Grace?"
Grace smiles, "I'm good, thanks."
"You two working on that project again?" Dave questions, picking up his coffee cup and
taking a long sip.
Hannah nods, "Yeah, we have a few more things to type up. We'll be in my room if you
need us, alright?"
"Sounds good," Dave replies, picking up his newspaper again, "You two have fun."
-
As soon as the door clicks shut behind Grace, Hannah pins her against it and attacks her
lips with her own.
"What about your dad?" Grace laughs when they pull apart.
Hannah shakes her head, "Don't care."
And although both of the girls know that they really should care, nothing feels better than
warm arms wrapped around small frames. Grace lets Hannah lead her away from the
door and towards the bed, both of them sitting on its edge and continuing their embrace.
Grace smiles into the kiss as Hannah slips a hand under her shirt, resting her cold palm
against Grace's toned stomach.
"Slow, alright?" Grace whispers into Hannah's lips and the brunette nods, squeezing her
side once.
"Slow," Hannah echoes back in acknowledgement, climbing over Grace and forcing the
blonde to lay back on the bed.
"Hey, girls, I just wanted to-" Dave's voice breaks through the sounds of lips touching
and soft moans.
When glass shatters against the floor, both girls jump apart from each other and look at
the plate of cheese and crackers that is scattered across the tile.
"Dad, I-" Hannah starts.
"Should've knocked," Dave mumbles and looks down at the plate of food he dropped to
the ground, "Hannah, why don't you drive Grace home now."
Hannah looks over at Grace briefly before looking back up at her father, "I can explain,
really-"
"Drive Grace home, Hannah," Dave repeats and Hannah sees a fire in her father's eyes
that she'd never seen before. A fire that doesn't make her want to question the man's
words.
"Okay," Hannah swallows and nods, looking over at the blonde girl sitting next to her
with wide eyes and shaking hands, "Come on, Grace. Let's go."
It takes a moment for Grace to process what's happening, but once she does, she picks up
her backpack in one fluid motion and swings it over her shoulder, rushing out of the room
past Dave. Hannah sighs and trails behind her, only stopping when her father grabs her
forearm.
"Come right back here once you've dropped her off," Dave orders, his thumb digging
into the flesh of his daughter's arm.
Hannah nods.
"Do you understand me?"
"Yes."
"Good."
When her arm is released, Hannah watches as her skin flushes white where her father's
fingertips had gripped. She wastes no time in rushing out of the room and down the stairs
after Grace.
-
The drive back to Grace's house is silent. Not even the usual blare of the radio fills the
Hyundai. The silence is only broken when Hannah pulls into Grace's driveway, taking
her key out of the ignition.
"Will you be okay?" Grace asks, looking over at the brunette's death grip on her steering
wheel.
Hannah nods, staring straight ahead, "Yeah."
"Hannah, look at me," Grace softly pleads. When Hannah tightens her jaw and refuses to
turn towards the blonde, she repeats herself, "Please look at me."
It's the small crack in Grace's voice that tears Hannah down. When she turns her head to
look at Grace, she can feel the stinging in her own eyes.
"You don't have to go back. You can stay with me," Grace explains and reaches over,
resting a hand on Hannah's neck.
"I have to go back," Hannah replies simply, turning her head to feel the brush of Grace's
fingers against her cheek.
"Okay," Grace whispers and knows that this is how it has to be, "Will you call me when
you're alone?"
"If I still have a phone," Hannah says with a laugh and tries to lighten the mood. Her joke
only earns a frown from her girlfriend. "I'm sorry. I'll call you as soon as I can, okay?"
Grace nods and rests her hand on Hannah's cheek, "Okay."
"You should go. I need to be home as soon as I can," Hannah explains and nods towards
Grace's house.
Grace sighs, "Yeah. Alright."
Hannah watches as the blonde slings her backpack over her shoulder and gives her one
final look before opening her door and sliding out. Hannah sits alone in the silence of her
car for a moment before she silently curses to herself and gets out as well, pacing after
Grace who's nearly at her front door.
"Hann-" Grace starts but she's cut off when the brunette takes her face in both of her
palms, slamming their lips together.
The kiss isn't long, probably no more than ten seconds, but it's enough.
"I really, really, really like you," Hannah whispers against Grace's lips once they've
parted, "You know that, right?"
Grace smiles and nods, "I do."
"Good. Don't forget that, no matter what happens," Hannah says.
Grace wants to ask her what she thinks is going to happen, but Hannah is already rushing
towards her car before the words can escape her lips.
Grace sighs to herself and runs a hand through her hair before she unlocks her front door,
entering and stopping in her tracks when she sees her mother sitting in their front living
room, a cup of tea in her hands and her gaze cast towards Hannah's reversing car in the
driveway.
When Theresa looks up at her daughter, Grace knows that she knows. And she doesn't
know if it's the way that her mom is looking at her or the weight of what Hannah had just
told her, but Grace collapses to the floor and cries for the second time in two weeks.
"Oh, honey," Theresa whispers and wraps her arms around her daughter, holding her
head to her chest, "Shh, it's okay. It's okay."
Grace hiccups and shakes her head, "I'm so sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Theresa frowns, pulling Grace away from her chest and wiping at
her cheeks, "You don't have anything to be sorry for."
"I'm just really sorry," Grace responds and takes a shaky breath.
Theresa smiles, "So are you going to tell me about her?"
Grace laughs, despite it all, and shakes her head, "Oh God, where do you want me to
start?"
"From the beginning."
She does.
-
Hannah stares at her doorknob, knowing that as soon as she turns the silver device,
everything will be different. She knows that this is the last step of her coming out
process: the step that she'd been putting off for the past two years.
She twists the door open and steps into her house.
This is how the worst moment begins.
As if in sync with the front door door clicking behind her, Hannah's father appears, dark
eyes and curling knuckles. And although it's never happened before in her sixteen years,
Hannah knows what's going to happen next.
She knows it's going to hurt.
nd because she hates hates dragging things out, Hannah closes the gap between herself
and her father, nearing closer and closer to him until they stand a foot apart. She hangs
her head and shoves her hands into the pockets of her jeans, mumbling a faint, "I'm
sorry."
As soon as the words escape her lips, her father's palm connects with her cheek. Hannah
gasps from the blow and brings her hand to the stinging flesh.
"I'm sorry," Hannah repeats and returns her hands to her pockets, staring at the beige
carpeting.
"Look at me," Dave seethes and Hannah smells the alcohol on his breath almost
instantly.
When her blue eyes flick up to her father's brown ones, he raises his fist and -
Pause.
Hannah doesn't remember much after her father's arm ascends into the air. She can recall
small tidbits of the moment - falling to the ground, her father's foot colliding with her
ribs, an endless slur of derogatory remarks, but she can't remember all of it.
When things start making sense again, she's sitting in her car and struggling to get her
key into the ignition with shaking hands. As she drives away, she can faintly see the
outline of her father chasing after her Hyundai in her rearview.
-
Grace groans as her iPhone lights up and vibrates next to her, interrupting her sleep.
Hannah flashes across the screen and Grace immediately sits up and presses the device to
her ear.
"Hannah?"
There's a brief silence on Hannah's end of the line followed by several shaky breaths,
"Can I stay with you for the night?"
"I... yeah, of course you can. Are you okay?" Grace questions.
"I'm outside," Hannah says in response and immediately hears a click on the end of
Grace's line as the call goes dead.
Within seconds, Grace is sprinting out the front door towards Hannah, who's sitting on
the hood of her car.
"Oh my God," Grace gasps, stopping in her tracks and bringing a hand to her mouth,
"Hannah..."
Her eyes don't know where to focus at first. They dart between the bruises and cuts on
Hannah's face, to the splashes of red that cover her light blue shirt, to the dark purple
mark on her neck.
"I'm fine," Hannah responds, refusing to meet Grace's gaze.
"You're not fine," Grace says firmly and steps towards her cautiously, afraid of breaking
the smaller girl if she gets too close, "You need to go to a hospital."
"I'm fine," Hannah repeats and shakes her head, wincing at the stabbing pain that courses
through her neck.
"Then why are you here?" Grace snaps, dropping her hands to her side. When Hannah
simply hangs her head in response, Grace sighs, "You don't need to be strong all the
time, Hannah. I don't expect you to be. I don't want you to be. Just... just come inside,
okay?"
"I don't want your parents seeing me like this," Hannah says softly and wipes at her
bloody lip.
Grace shakes her head, "My stepdad's on a business trip and my mom... look, she'll be
fine with it. Just come inside, okay?"
Hannah doesn't argue. Instead, she takes the hand that's being held out in front of her and
shuts her eyes, letting someone else be in control. She can hear the click of Grace's front
door open and thethud of it shutting behind them. It's only when she hears an unfamiliar
gasp that her eyes flick open again.
"Mom, this is Hannah," Grace says softly, looking towards the ground.
"Did your father do this?" Theresa asks, taking a step towards the two girls standing in
the front hall.
Hannah glances over at Grace and the blonde sighs, "I told her about... everything."
"We need to get her to a hospital," Theresa says and shakes her head, reaching for her
purse on the side table by the front door.
"No," Hannah interjects, "I... I'm fine."
"I already tried to get her to go to the hospital," Grace murmurs, "She doesn't want to."
Theresa purses her lips and stares at Hannah for a moment before shaking her head, "It's
non-negotiable. We're taking her to the hospital."
"Can I..." Hannah interjects, trying to find the right words, "Can I go tomorrow? I just...
I just really want to sleep right now. Please."
Grace looks up at her mother and Theresa sighs, "Fine. But first thing tomorrow morning, we're taking you to the hospital, alright?"
"Okay," Hannah nods, "Thank you."
Theresa exhales and pulls Hannah's body into hers gently, "You can stay here as long as
you need, alright?"
And although the grip of the older woman hurts, Hannah wraps her arm around her in
return.
-
"Here you go," Grace says and drops an old shirt and a pair of pajama shorts in front of
Hannah.
"Thanks," Hannah responds and reaches to the edge of her shirt, only lifting it halfway up
her stomach before she cringes and shakes her head, "Could you, uh... could you help
me?"
Grace looks down at her girlfriend seated on the edge of her bed and she nods slowly,
"Uh, yeah. Can you get your arms up?"
Hannah takes a breath and shuts her eyes, raising her arms up over her head. Her body
immediately shivers when she feels Grace's cool fingertips brush against her stomach.
She shuts her eyes at the sensation and lets Grace pull her v-neck off.
"Done," Grace whispers and Hannah's eyes open, staring at Grace as Grace stares at her
shirtless form.
When Grace's hand extends out towards Hannah's body, the brunette inhales sharply and
moves towards her touch. Grace's hand meets her flesh at a lower point than she had
anticipated and when Hannah glances down, she sees Grace's fingers traveling over the
large, purple bruise on her ribs.
"Grace..." Hannah says softly and shakes her head.
Grace retracts her hand and pushes Hannah back onto the bed by her shoulders. Hannah
complies and swallows, hard, as she watches Grace pull off her own shirt and toss it
aside, leaving her in a navy blue bra and her boy shorts.
Grace lowers her body over Hannah's, crawling up the mattress until she's hovering over
the smaller girl. Hannah instinctively raises a hand to Grace's waist, stopping only when
Grace shakes her head and places her hand back on the bed.
"Stop," Grace whispers and moves down Hannah's body, lowering her head to the bruise
on her stomach, brushing her lips against the flesh.
"Grace," Hannah groans, shutting her eyes in something akin to pain.
Grace moves lower to the gash across Hannah's stomach - dried blood covering its lower
half. Hannah tries to twist her body away from the blonde, but Grace holds her hips in
place, pressing a kiss to the top of the cut.
Hannah exhales and puts her hands over her face, overwhelmed by it all. It's a type of
intimacy she'd never shared with anyone before. An intimacy she didn't even know
existed. And it was both incredibly amazing and terrifying at the same time.
Grace's fingers pry Hannah's off her face and wipe away the tears that had made their
way down her cheeks.
"It'll be okay," Grace whispers before pressing her lips softly to Hannah's.
The strawberry taste of Grace's tongue makes her words seem like they could be true.