Matchablossom

God Save Me But Don't Drown Me Out

Plot: Reki angst and Reki Protection Squad

Trigger Warnings: Suicide and self harm, please proceed with caution

Reki had nowhere else to go. Or at least he didn't believe he did.

The redhead stood outside the doors of Sia la luce, his hand pressed up against the glass, silently begging that Joe, Cherry, someone would still be there, in the restaurant. But the lack of light inside and the locked door left him with no hope. The rain hitting his back got more painful as the storm raged on, sinking through his hoodie and sending cold shivers clawing down his spine.

His entire body was tired, blood mixed with tears ran down the side of his face as one arm held his stomach tightly, while the other supported him so he didn't collapse on the cold concrete. The doorway barely sheltered him from the rain, but it was enough for him to stay, leaning against the door for a few minutes before Reki found the strength to pull out his phone to ring his boyfriend, Langa, or even Cherry or Joe, to come get him.

But you'll just be a burden to them.

The small voice forced him to stop. The phone in his hand was almost dead so he only had a few minutes to make a decision. Would he call someone and risk the chance of waking them up or getting no answer, or find shelter from the rain to sleep for the night. He wondered what would make him feel worse, he was constantly overthinking that he was a burden to his friends, constantly dragging them down along with him. He forced himself to be the light of the group so he would keep the mood up. But even then the small voice was telling him that they all pitied him and he was too loud. Too annoying. Too much.

Reki didn't remember when he fell, but the next thing he knew, he was curled up on the floor next to the door, his back pressed up against it, his body giving up on him, unable to support his weight anymore. They shook constantly, when he walked down the hallways with Langa, when he skated with Miya and when he helped out one of the adults with their varying jobs. Reki put it up to the hours of sleep he would miss, overthinking and drowning himself in music and work to avert his mind from going down a dark path that was hard to get away from.

Reki's phone told him that it was 2 am, the rain was yet to ease, but at that point he could barely feel it. His mind was cloudy and his limbs felt like lead. He promised himself that he would die that day, or at least in the next week, and the teen figured now was his time, whether from being mugged and murdered or freeze to death. He had nothing to be robbed of, except for his phone maybe and the small amount of change in his back pocket, but nothing to be murdered over, but the elements were less forgiving.

His toes curled up painfully in his shoes which were still exposed to the rain, letting the water sink through, soaking him thoroughly. Wasn't exactly a painless death but if he let himself fall unconscious, Reki hoped he'd be dead before anyone found him and forced him to explain everything that was wrong with him, which was a list that just kept going, each day giving him something to add to it.

So, Reki let himself be pulled into sweet unconsciousness, the darkness giving him a needed hug, comforting him from reality and the situation he was in. His racing mind finally blurred into nothingness, leaving him with the belief that he was nothing, no one cared for him and he was truly alone in the world.

6 am, as per usual, Kojiro arrived at his restaurant, ready to open up and start the door. He often worked early and left late so he could prepare the shop before the mid morning rush of students and workers who would catch him for a quick breakfast snack during their break. He knew what to expect from day to day, when customers would come in packs and when it was usually quiet, quiet enough for him to catch a quick break and call or talk to his husband Kaoru for a few minutes and wish him a good morning, or scold him from leaving his ink brushes and pots out on the coffee table in their living room.