6/29/2021
I can't write anymore
And I don't know what my brain
Is waiting for
Words are surely building up
Behind the dam,
Although I cannot feel them
There's no pressure, no drive
And restlessness is the new norm.
Walking into a room
Only to pass right through
The walls, wondering why I came
Who I am, where I am, where I'm going
And what I'm going to be.
It's like an ocean so tempting
But you dip your toes in and the water
Is glacial
Despite the infernal scorching
Of the desert against your skin.
It's like a monkey debating
Whether the banana is worth the climb
Or the cat contemplating
If it should hunt the mice.
Nothing makes sense
Nothing is clear
I'm not afraid, not lonely, not hurting-I've learned to love the pain
Suspended by strings in the air
While thin slivers of glass
Slowly close in, soon to pierce my flesh
And wake me up again.
Indifference, complacency, contentment
Some odd silence within the cavities of
My skull.
A mind once saturated in ink is now dry-
A sponge left in the sun for too long.
And it's frustrating
But I don't even want to figure it out
Don't want to sort through it
Because I'm too tired
Too cloudy, too numb
Numbness is a burden
I want to feel pain. Pain is familiar
If not comfortable.
I want to feel joy, excitement and hope
But all I feel is nothing.
All I think is nothing.
All I see is nothing.
Am I nothing?
Have I become nothing?
