7/25/2021
My future taunts me
It haunts me
Laughs in my face
Calls me names
Makes me feel like
I'm incapable of achieving anything
I can't think about it
Without choking up
I can't think about it
Without breaking down
My dreams mock me
Spit in my face
Dare me to catch up, then run ahead
And my efforts are never good enough
I can't grasp them, they're always
Just a little out of my reach
I'm too short. I'm not tall enough.
I'm not strong enough. I'm not good
Enough.
Weak
I am weak
Running on a treadmill
Of ever-increasing speed
Week after week,
Ragged and exhausted
Dying for sleep
But never finding it.
It's too much
The pressure
Is too much.
I'm not strong enough anymore
I can't eat anything,
I feel sick
And I'm cracking.
Look at all the ink spilling from
The cracks in my skin
It's so soiled, stained black
There's no way to let the light in
Growing dim
Losing oxygen
Pouring rivulets from eye sockets
As my dreams and future mock
Me
And all my inablilities
I inhibit myself from beginning
I hold back from the end
Because I want things perfect
The first time
Even though that never really happens
And I'm overthinking
And underthinking
And I am lost, frustrated, and alone
Weak
I am weak
It's too much
I've had too much WEEK
And it's making me weak
So I can't rest or sleep
And I can't eat
And I feel sick
And all I want to do is cry
And be alone.
Don't call me up
Don't take me home.
Leave me here.
I'm weak, you're strong
Carry me, drop me off
I'm weak. Too weak to move on.
