Random encounters

9. I'm coming home

It's been a month, since I left everything and came back home with the hope of healing. I knew better than to stay with Thiko, i know I'll always love him and if I waited for him to wake up that night he would have convinced me to stay. I would have stayed. He deserves to heal as well, without me reminding him of what he lost. I just want to make it better, this is my idea of making it right.
The road to recovery has its peaks and downs, some days are heavier than others. I feel as if I'm drowning again, I lie flat on the floor crying thinking about my father and Nkhumbuleni. The thing about death is that it leaves a big hole in our hearts, my heart at this moment can't take another loss.
My phone rings, it's Tebogo.
"Stop calling and focus on your wedding preparations" I answer
He laughs
"I just wanted to know if you're okay, I was worried about you" Tebogo
I called him last night crying hysterically telling him I don't want to go to therapy anymore, it opened wounds. It makes everything so vivid, real and i hated that. We talked about my father, how I felt when he died and how I neglected my feelings hoping to save my mother.
"I'm okay, stop worrying for no reason" I lie
He's quiet, I know he doesn't believe me.
"You'll be here right, for the wedding?" He asks
"I bought a dress so yes" I say
"Thank you, I'll call later" he hang up.
He needs to stop worrying so much about me, he has a lot of drama in his life already.
My mom left early today saying she's going to buy somethings in  Thohoyandou, she developed a habit after my father passed away, shopping. It works well for her.

I ended up napping the whole day, since I don't have a job and not looking for one that's all I can do. Hunger woke me up,  so I walk to the kitchen.  My mom is in the living room with someone, I steal a peek. Its my cousin Lufuno, when did he get here?
"It just had to be you" I say joining them
He chuckles getting up to give me a hug. The last time I saw him was my father's funeral, he has changed a bit but I know he's still as goofy as ever. I'm being carried up in a second with his arms around me,  I can't help but laugh.
"Put me down you demon" I say hitting him
We both laugh, he put me down.
"I know you missed me Satan" he says
I wag my head smiling. "When did you get here?" I ask
"An hour ago, you were sleeping so I didn't want to wake you up" he says
"When did you become so thoughtful?" I ask
"When you had a baby and didn't even tell me, when did we become enemies?" He asks
I bite my lower lip and his smile disappear.
"Your mother told me, why didn't you call me all this time Wanga?" Lufuno asks
I have no words for this, even an excuse.
"You changed your numbers, you deleted everyone. I thought you'd heal and reach out but nothing. If I didn’t see your mother today, I wouldn't have known you came back home." He reaches for my hand
"I don't know what to say..." I say
"Let's go out, I think you need that" he offers
I look down.
"That's a good idea Lufuno, Wanga chimbilani nae Nwananga" my mom
Obviously she's the one who suggested it, since I only go out to see my therapist.
"I'll change first" I walk back in my room
I open my closet looking for an outfit that doesn't represent self-pity or grievance. I end wearing ripped boyfriend jeans, oversized black shirt, vans and weave. I don't need makeup so I'm done.