Captain Rex x Reader

6. Chapter

Y/N POV:

My eyes widened and for a moment my monotonous facade broke down and I knew that everyone around me saw it. My perplexed, sad, confused and angry expression. I looked up again when I felt a hand on my shoulder, Anakin tried reassuring me with the look he gave me but I knew that it was also an apology. An apology that he let Rex get shot and wasn't there in time to prevent it. Anakin reminded me of a sad puppy begging forgiveness for destroying the sofa. I managed to give him a sad smile to tell him that it's not his fault. 

Obi-Wan cleared his throat. He also tried to hide his worry for Rex but I felt his true emotions in the force. "Excuse me, I have to go report how the mission went to the jedi council." With that he walked away, as long as I know him he's always been one to work even more than he normally would to distract himself from emotions such as grief. That's why I wasn't angry at him for just continuing to work as if nothing happened. 

Anakin still looked at me with his sad puppy expression and this time I couldn't bring myself to smile, instead I felt tears building in my eyes. I couldn't understand why I was that affected just because Rex got shot in the shoulder. Of course I see every clone as an individual human being and I was sad over every clone that lost/loses his life in this war, but usually I can hold back my emotions and no one notices what I feel. But I'm sure that this has little to nothing to do with Rex himself, giving the fact that I just know him for a very little time and haven't done much with him. Being sure that the reason for my emotional outburst isn't Rex I settled with it just being like that because of this rollarcoaster of emotions I had to go through during the last 1 and a half weeks. I've never been so often this emotional in such a short time, the last time I can remember crying out of sadness was many years ago when my father figure got slaughtered in front of me, I still have nightmares of this day, more often than I want to admit. At the beginning when Anakin was still with me most of the time, he came to my dorm everytime he felt my anxiety because of my nightmares in the force. Back then he just held me in his arms until I fell asleep, letting me sob into his shoulder. I still remember that every time I looked at him when this happened, he wore this same sad puppy expression. 

I didn't want anyone to see me crying again and assume that I'm an emotional wreck, someone who cries because of every negative thing that's happening, so I turned arounf and started walking calmly out of the room, just as to not stand out and have everyones eyes on me. Anakin mumbled my name in a way someone would say the name of their lover when they're caught cheating and the betrayed person ends their relationship and goes away. I kept on walking, not looking back at Anakin, Ahsoka and Cody because I knew that I would break down then and there would I be confronted with their sadness again. 

The walk back to my room felt like an eternity even though it took me round about 5 minutes to get there. As soon as I closed the door of my room, I let my emotions come out, tears streamed down my face and I couldn't do anything except standing in my room and letting the cold feeling of emptiness settle in. 

Anxiety slowly takes over my mind and at this point I sit on the ground, shivering and sobbing uncontrollably. Ever since my Master died, I have thanatophobia (the fear to lose someone) and can't handle the death of people who are close to me. But of course I wouldn't say that Rex is close to me, but to lose him right after I got to know him would be unbearable. After hours of having anxiety attacks, sobbing sobbing into my arms and rejecting everyone who comes to talk with me, I finally let the logical part of my brain take over and decide to go to the medical wing to inform myself how Rex is doing.

I carefully open the door a bit to make sure that no one is on the hallway, but to my surprise I can't see anything. It took me a moment to realize that I just lost track of time and that it's already late, so everyone is sleeping. Well not everyone but the maturity of the people. I still can't see a single thing so I have to trust my instincts, I took one turn right and two turns left. At this point I should already be seeing the medical station, it's one of the only sections where the light is still on. But I don't see any light, all I see is darkness. Great it's the middles of the night and I'm on a spaceship having no idea where I am or how I can go back. I walk further and take another turn right and there it is, light. i sigh in relief and run towards the little weak red light. To my cofusion I hear a noise and it is already too late when I realize where I am. 

I am in one of the self-closing, force resistant cells. 

I am trapped...

A/n:

I apologize that I am updating this story just now, up until now I didn't have a single clue how to continue this. 

Also I mean absolutely no offense if you are someone who cries often, it doesn't mean at all that you're weak it's just a reaction of your body that you can't control.