My Chemistry Tutor

CHAPTER 18 : I feel so horrible

JENNIE'S POV

Holy shit! Holy shit!

Lisa and I kissed!

Then I ran away

I ruined everything!

Oh my gosh, why am I so terrible at everything

I get a notification on my phone and I check it to see that it's Lisa calling again

I let it go to voicemail as I try to figure out what the hell I am supposed to say to her

What am I supposed to tell her? I don't know what that kiss meant

I mean I have feelings for her, but what if that's not what that kiss meant to her? What if she is just playing me? What if she doesn't have feelings for me?

Why is this so complicated?

But why was that kiss so good. Her lips are so soft and she smells so wonderful and the way she grabbed me was so hot

That kiss was amazing, it felt so right. That second kiss was the best kiss I have ever had

Okay my gosh, I can't believe I asked for another kiss! I'm not that kind of person to just ask for that, but I don't know

I felt bold at the moment and thought what the hell

"Hey there you are," Jisoo said finding me in the library

"Oh thank god you're okay and didn't get in trouble," I said getting up to hug her

"Dude! You were amazing back there. The way you punched Kai was so cool" Jisoo said excitedly, then she looks around

"Hey, where's Lisa?"

"Long story" I sigh

"What happened?" She asked looking at me skeptically

"Well, we ran and things happened and we kissed" I explain

Jisoo widens her eyes in shock and stays speechless for a few seconds before snapping out of it

"Finally," she said happily

"No not good, I ran away from her after"

"Well, why the hell did you do that?" Jisoo asked shaking her head at me

"I don't know, I panicked okay" I sighed

Jisoo sighs and motions for me to sit down

"Jennie you can't keep running from your problem. I get it, you're scared, but you keep letting opportunities getaway. You need to have more faith in yourself and that things are going to be better"

"I know your first relationship with that bitch who shall not be named was horrible, but not every relationship will be like that. Lisa is not her. Lisa is a good person"

"But how do I know it's real? How do I know if Lisa feels the same way about me? Why do I keep comparing my relationship with Lisa to my ex? I asked sadly

"Jennie that's something you will just have to ask Lisa. Be honest with her and then ask her how she feels about you. I know you're guarded and scared to open up again because of your ex, but you have a right to love again. So, promise me you'll give it a shot. That you'll talk with Lisa"

I smile at Jisoo and say "I promise. I want to stop being scared all the time. I don't want to keep holding anything back

LISA'S POV

I come back home around 10 pm feeling exhausted and miserable

I haven't talked with Jennie since we kissed and it sucks. I miss her already and it hasn't even been a day

When I enter the apartment, there my mom is drinking with her boyfriend and some other alcoholics

I sigh and walk past everyone without even saying 'Hi' and no one cares. They don't acknowledge me, not even my mother

I entered my room and lock the door behind me lay on my bed. Unfortunately, I'm not tired right now, I normally go straight to sleep, but I can't now

My mind is preoccupied with thinking about Jennie

I just want to hug her and kiss her again and tell her how I feel about her. I want to tell her how important she is

How she is the only person who makes me happy

I get up to change into pajamas and when I open the drawer I see the shirt that Jennie let me borrow when I stayed over at her house

I grab it and decide I want to put it on, it just makes me feel better

I'm about to go to bed when I hear a ruckus going on in the living room. I get up and quickly get up and check up on my mom

Her friends have left by now and her boyfriend is passed out on the couch

I see my mom standing over broken shards of glass on the floor

It seems like she dropped one of the wine bottles

"Mom you need to be more careful, this is like the third wine bottle you have dropped these months"

"Fuck it, who cares!" She shouted

"Mom please don't say that" I beg as I start cleaning up

"I'm out of alcohol" mom whined looking through the cabinets

"Give me money, so I can get more"

"No mom, it's late. You need to go to sleep" I sigh

"No! I want more to drink now, give me money" mom repeat

"I can't mom" I replied

"Okay look, I did not take care of you for years just so I could be treated horribly like this now. So give me your money so I can get more drinks" she said harshly

"No! I am the one who has been taking care of you this whole time! You don't do shit!" I angrily yelled. I've had enough of this, I don't deserve to be treated like this anymore

"I am the only one in the house who works and pays rent and for the food. I spend all my time taking care of you and that's not how it should be. You're my mom, I'm not yours" I added

"Listen here you pathetic brat, I will not let you talk to me like this! Do you think I wanted to take care of you? I never wanted to, all you ever did was remind me of your dad. He hurt me when he left me and all he left me with was you! I hate you" she spits out

"I hate you! You ruined my life!" She yelled slapping me across the face as hard as she could

I immediately hold my cheek in pain as tears stream down my face. I didn't know she hated me. I thought she loved me under all that depression and alcoholism

I thought that deep down she cared, I was wrong

I don't let her say another thing, I run to my room and stuff a bunch of clothes into a bag, and run out as she continues to tell obscenities at me

I can't stay there, I just can't. It hurts too much

I feel so betrayed by my mother

I feel so alone. I feel so horrible

I don't know what to do

I just know where I need to be. I need to be with the one person who I feel safe with