Royally Flawsome ♛

28 ♛

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"This is the cringiest bucket list in the history of bucket lists!" I laugh as I fold it neatly. I was glad I nearly ticked off 3/4 of the bucket list. Maybe I should try to complete the rest. I dismiss the feeling that was biting through my stomach when Logan exclaimed, "she surely makes me happy," when I read number 4 on the bucket list: make someone happy. Someone else was on my mind when I read that one out loud, a castle and drenched people.

"Have sex on a yacht was my favourite," Logan whispers not so discreetly as he intended and I watch as my dad chocks on his cocktail and glares at him but doesn't say anything when I kick him under the table and return a glare back at him. Logan writhes in his seat and fake coughs to try and cut the tension that formed.

"My favourite was dissect a lizard but instead I'll dissect someone that starts with L instead," I watch as he narrows his eyes to slits at Logan who abruptly stands up.

"I-I should be heading home," we all look in perplex as a laugh erupts from my dad's throat and he stands up to pat Logan on the back.

"Its okay mate, I'm just joking," Logan exhales and skeptically laughs before sitting back down.

"Yeah but I need to go grab the Christmas angel! It doesn't feel like an Adams Christmas eve without it!" Sam rolls his eyes and before I even say anything he declines escorting me, as if I was going to ask when Logan exists and lives on the floor above my old apartment.

"I wasn't going to ask you anyways," I roll my eyes back at him and grab my coat off the rack before jumping out into the cold snow. I look up to the sky as Logan chivalry says his goodbyes. I loved Christmas, loved that feeling it brought with it, loved how every house was adorned and every street smelt like cookies. It was like a day off from reality and the snow that danced around in the sky was the best part of it. I watch as a snowflake glides down to rest on my fingertip, so delicate and unique with its patterns. There were no stars in sight because of all the lights that flickered, just white dots that floated in the cold wispy air.

Logan stands next to me and stares at the sky with me. I stick my tongue out to catch some snow but he leans down and takes it as an initiative to let his tongue touch mine. The proximity of his body was a good source for warmth and I savoured it as the cold tips of our tongues danced around. I wondered if it was possible for our tongues to be glued to each other because of the cold. There were never sparks with him as there were with Max but I tried every time to savour the kisses he gave me. It was bland and boring, no swirling in the guts just the gentleness of his lips on mine, nothing else.

He pulls back and cups my face in his, "I'll never get tired of kissing you," I try to hide the sadness that swirled in my guts with a smile. Here I was thinking our kisses were bland yet here he was savouring every kiss we shared. I was a bad person, I was using him and I needed to let go of him before he got too attached.

I can't try to develop feelings if I think our kisses are boring! I pull him towards me, I needed to savour the kiss, I needed to feel sparks, if I couldn't than I can never develop feelings for this perfect man. But even when I pulled away there was nothing, just our ragged breathing from the rough kiss and a smile so wide on him I wanted to cry. I start leading us down the street adorned with fairy lights.

"Hales," he holds my hand in his and smiles down at them. No, this wasn't right, I needed to confront him, I needed to be truthful with him, he didn't deserve it.

"Logan, I don't want you to be a rebound guy. I like you but...." he places a finger on my mouth to shush me and shakes his head. I could feel tears threatening to fall at his smile but blink them away.

"I don't care if I'm a rebound guy as long as I get to spend time with you then I don't care. You can use me, trample on my feelings and even go back to Maximus but I promise you I'll always savour these moments with you, and whatever you decide just know I want nothing but your happiness," I let the tears out, I cry because he was so genuine, so nice, so loving to me but he knew that at the end of the day I was just going to leave him yet that didn't stop him from loving me with his all; and that made me feel like more of a monster. How could I even think of doing that to someone who loved me so much? How could I stoop so low? How have I become such a monster?

"Hales..." he lifts my head to look at him and smiles, I close my eyes and shake my head but he places a kiss on my forehead, "cheer up for me okay? Let's pretend we never had this conversation and we were back to normal... for me?" I nod and wipe the tears off with my sleeve, thats the least I could do for him.

"I am okay with being your rebound guy so don't dump me just yet."