School Diaries

Chapter 6 Confusion

Chapter 6

Confusion

I woke up and glanced at the clock. It’s almost six o’ clock. I am running late. I quickly prepared myself to school. Then I went to school. Throughout my whole class I thought about my dream. I changed because of them. Because of what they don’t like about me. In the dream someone became angry because of it. I knew that if I changed everything would be different. My whole world will crumple. It will be like I was born again. I will know who my friends are, who my enemies are. I will develop new personalities, good and bad. Maybe my friends will be my enemies and my enemies will be my friends. I will be a new different person; there is no doubt about that.

But the real question is ‘Is it worth it?’ Will the change be worth it?

I struggled to listen to what my teachers were saying every class. I cannot totally remove myself in the thought.  I can’t even look at their faces because every time I do that the pain would return. Sometimes I would get distracted but after some time the thought would return. I can call this confusion.

I am confused on what I will choose. Will I choose to change or remain the same? I thought about asking advice. Maybe Ethan will be willing to listen to my story. I shoved the idea away. I don’t want anyone to know about this.

I remembered what Cassandra said back in the first day. Help me, please. I don’t know what to do. Let’s sit together. Don’t leave me. ‘Don’t leave me’ words! I thought that she like me. She even asked help from me. Now that she simply became one of them she’s going to hate me. Hmmm.

“Allie!”

At that very same moment I snapped out of that thought. “What!” I hadn’t realized, until I looked up, that I was speaking to Ethan.

“Let’s go.”

“Where?” I asked, confused.

“You didn’t hear it? We were just excused from class to practice for the Regional Dance Competition. It’s just three weeks from now so we have to practice now.”

“Sorry I didn’t hear it,” I said while I stood up. We walked to the dance studio silently.

“You’re so quite today. I wonder why.”

“It’s nothing.”

“But you’re still sad.” That comforted me again, the thought that he cares. “You can always talk to me. Don’t be sad. It doesn’t suite your face. Your smile should be like this.” He made funny faces at me and I couldn’t stop laughing at it. That almost eased the pain, almost.

He continued to do that until we reached the dance studio. As I enter the dance studio the pain came back. I was sad again.

“Good Morning Ma’am Davis,” Ethan greeted.

“Good Morning, We’re going to practice hard and do our best. Okay?” She turned to Ethan.

“Yes.” Then she turned to me.

“Yes,” I said without any emotion.

We started the practice. I made mistakes I don’t usually make. I used the wrong foot, made the wrong turn and stop without cause.

            “Allie you need to focus,” Ethan said.

“I’ll try,” I said.

“Continue practicing. I’m just going to meet with the principal.” Mrs. Davis said and she darted out of the room.

“Let’s do the whole thing again.” Ethan suggested.

“Sure.” Ethan went and restarted the music. We started dancing again and at the middle of the dance I made a deadly mistake. I made the wrong cross and ended up falling at the floor.