Phonophobia

|2|

My hands drop to my sides shaking with unwanted fear. Eyes wide.

For a minute nothing happened except for the chattering of my teeth and the ringtone that was still slicing through my ears.

And then...

Screams. It was drilling deep inside my head. I wanted to beg them to make it stop, but my throat was burning, it felt like an unseen force was rippling through it.

The all-familiar feeling of my breath choking me was alive again, my heartbeat wildly thumping in my ears making the whole situation worse.

Why won't the screaming stop!

Thrashing and kicking, my whole body feels numb, almost lifeless.

Try not to dig into your skin. It'll only help in the worst way.

I remember the words of my therapist. Ex-therapist.

Recognize that you're having an attack.

Close your eyes and take very deep breaths.

Everything will be okay Abigail. We can help heal the phobia if you open up and let us help, just take deep breaths. Everything will be okay.

The screaming dies down and my throat feels at ease. My heartbeat still drumming inside my ears making me clamp my hands over my ears and keep repeating the mantra 'everything will be okay' over and over again.

I know I look like a crazy person right now. But I can't help it, it just happens, I can't stop it.

I feel myself being cradled into a warm soft body, the familiar scent of peaches lingering in Gabi's dress.

She starts rocking us back and forth, while my hands stay glued on my ear and silent tears fall down my cheeks.

God was watching this, he knows how much I suffer when it happens, but why isn't he answering my prayers and just making them stop!?

I slowly lower my hand when my heartbeat is no longer strumming in my ears. I didn't look up. I couldn't. Knowing all those eyes would stare back at me in pity.

I just stared at Gabi's black flowered white dress until a voice broke the thick silence.

A deep, husky yet alluring voice asked.

"Is she okay?"

I froze momentarily, he had to witness this. God, Baybi Abigail Todaro! You never fail to freak out everyone you come across, do you??

Was it so hard to be normal for a day? Was it so flipping hard for you to pretend everything was okay? It was just like everyone ever said, I'm too useless to be useful.

Tears of pure self-hatred started dripping down my face. I have bladders for tear sacs.

I saved myself the upcoming disgrace, shook myself from Gabi's hold, and ran into the kitchen.

~Payne~

It's Vera's anniversary with that jerk Theo and I will be generous enough to get a two-layered cake just to smash it in his fucking face and then beat the shit out of him.

I'm nice. I know.

Vera deserves a lot better than that dickless hurdle of testosterone, he even got her pregnant for fucks sake!

I parked my car in the middle of the street before simply getting out. The whole city knows only one person parks where ever the shit he wants and no, it's not the president, it's me.