Missing Piece

Chapter 26

-Lea-

5 months has passed since I gave birth to the twins—since I lost one of them due to a respiratory issue. Marami na naman akong naging tanong sa sarili ko sa pangyayaring ito, kung saan ba ako nagkulang at saan ako nagkamali. Hindi naman ako naging pabayang ina sa kambal ko pero bakit kinailangan pa rin kunin ang isa sa kanila. Talaga ba na ang lahat ng makakapagpasaya sa akin ay babawiin na lang na walang pasabi?

Inaamin ko, any of these wasn't easy at all. You're grieving and you're breastfeeding at the same time. I had post-partum depression at muntik na siyang magtuloy-tuloy, but still, thank God at hindi. At that time, ang pakiramdam ko talaga ay mababaliw na ako sa sobrang dami kong iniisip. There's my dead baby, my living baby, and Aga. I felt like I had no one although my mother and father were with me all along. The comfort that your husband gives is still different, pero wala e, mas ginusto pa niyang sumiksik sa babae niya.

I already filed for divorce at ang sabi ng lawyer namin sa Pilipinas ay pinirmahan na ni Aga ito. Ni hindi humingi ng custody para sa mga anak namin, talagang naging walang kwenta na siya. Nonetheless, I can be a single parent naman. I can give everything to my son, hindi nga lang ang tatay.

My thoughts in my head were interrupted when Isaac cried, informing me that he's hungry, so I walked closer to his crib and gently lifted him up. I sat on the sofa inside our room and lifted my shirt to feed him. If you're going to ask me, what time is it, it is 3 in the morning. We are always like this ever since. I can't even remember the time na nga wherein I had a good and complete sleep, but I am not complaining though. I enjoy doing all of these pero mas masaya siguro kung nandito yung kakambal niya.

"Lea?" My mother peeped through the door. I was surprised by her, I don't know how long was I closing my eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Hayy ang baby ko, hindi na nakatulog nang maayos. Pull down your shirt at baka may pumasok pa rito, Sac is sleeping na rin naman in your arms." I did what I was told. I kissed my baby before putting him down again in his crib.

"Anak, get some help naman kasi. We have several maids here for a reason."

"I want to experience motherhood firsthand. Just let me, Mama."

"Fine. But for now, let me look after your son. Sleep ka muna at may pupuntahan pa tayo today."

Ah right! It's the exact 5th month of the twins...

"Thanks, Mama."

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"Are you ready to go, Hija?" It was my mother bellowing from the first floor.

"Just a minute, I'm putting Sac's socks pa!" After doing so, I immediately carried him and carefully went downstairs. Dumiretso na kami sa sasakyan dahil wala na kaming balak pang mag-lunch sa bahay, we decided to eat in a restaurant because this is a special day after all.

After a few minutes, we arrived at the cemetery where Sac's twin brother was buried and some other relatives from my father's side. Naabutan na namin doon ang ilang tauhan ni Papa at si Papa mismo. Doon na sila dumiretso pagkatapos ng mga inaasikaso niya.

"Papa!" I called him at lumingon naman siya agad nang naka-ngiti. Sinalubong niya agad ako ng yakap at hinalikan niya si Isaac sa noo.

"Lea, by the way, here's Father Ramon para mag-conduct ng mass here." Ngumiti naman ako sa pari at saka nag-mano. Si Father Ramon ang palaging nagmimisa dito simula pa nung una at ang isa pang maganda ay isa rin siyang Filipino.

"Kamusta ka na, Lea?"

"Gradually moving forward, Father. Medyo malayo na po sa huling beses niyo po akong nakita." I smiled thinly. I was still really wrecked the last time he saw me and I thank this 1 month because somehow, I learned how to regain myself.