Lost in the Dark (Book 3)

Chapter 1: Shattered

          "No!", I yelled as I jolted awake from a nightmare. The sounds of drinking glasses and laughing came to a standstill. My brothers that were happily talking to one another suddenly looked over at me. Their presence didn't bother me. I was too absorbed in my own thoughts and emotions, especially focused on the nightmare I had recently awoken from. It felt too real. The fear. The darkness. The loss. It was like I was reliving the events that happened at the Citadel in my head over and over and over.

          I've had this nightmare ever since the day Kane was taken, so going on three months now. The only remedy I could think of was to come to 79's, the only clone trooper bar on Coruscant. I thought I could just drink it all away. But it seemed that even that wasn't working as well as I had wanted it to. Sure, getting drunk was a nice way to leave the Galaxy behind for a bit. However, I could never truly escape and forget. I was always pulled back. I motioned for the bartender. "Give me another one," I said, feeling a little disoriented.

"But that's your sixth one tonight," he responded. He had a worried look on his face.

I knew he meant well, but this is what I needed. To forget. Again. "Don't care. Keep em coming." He refilled my glass, and I quickly tossed the burning liquid down my throat.

           I could feel myself getting even more disoriented than before. I became afraid. I didn't want to black out again just to have that nightmare once more. I ran to the bathroom and washed my face with the cloudy water that was slowly coming out of the faucet. I looked at myself in the mirror. The water hid my tears from me, but I could feel my eyes getting red. I felt so...alone. Just then, someone opened the door to the bathroom. I quickly dried off my face and went to exit the bathroom; however, the clone that entered stopped me from leaving. It was Rex. "Hey there, Fives," he said with a slight tone of worry in his voice.

"Captain," I responded, trying to move out of his way so I could get back to my seat.

"Not gonna happen, trooper. We need to talk."

           The rowdy atmosphere in the bar was less noticeable in the bathroom. All that could be heard was the muffled voices of my brothers talking over the music. It was, for the most part, as quiet as it could be. "I'm worried about ya, Fives. You've been coming to 79's every day. You haven't been your usual self. You're a soldier. There are still battles that need to be won and I need you by my side during them."

He was right. The fight with Vader and his Inquisitors has come to an end but there were still small skirmishes and uprisings across the Galaxy by Imperials trying to get their broken Empire back on its feet. I should be with him and my other brothers in the 501st fighting for the Republic, but lately, I have been completely unmotivated from it all. "You don't understand, Rex," I replied, holding back tears, not wanting to show too much emotion in front of my Captain.

"I do, actually. More than you realize. When Ahsoka left the Order and all of us behind I-."

"But she came back!", I yelled. Hiding my emotions was no longer an option. "Kane is gone! It's been three months since he was abducted by that bitch! Who knows what she has turned him into!"

          "Is everything alright in there?", asked a Coruscant security guard as he knocked on the door.

Rex cracked open the door, trying not to gain too much attention to our situation. "Sorry, it's a friend. I'm trying to calm him down. I can handle this." Rex looked back at me. "Fives, you need to calm down." He placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Fives. It's perfectly natural for you to be feeling this way. I just don't believe that drinking is going to help anything."