Lost in the Dark (Book 3)

Chapter 7: From the Shadows

          Today was a victory for the Republic over her forces. However, in my eyes, it was another tragic loss. She is taking away everything she can from me. She wants my fighting spirit to diminish so that she can win. There are some days where I think she is close to winning. I've thought several times about giving up. Ending my life would have been the easy way out to cope with all that I've lost and all the pain I've endured ever since Kane was taken from me. But then I remember that he needs me just as much as I need him, maybe even more. I am staying alive for him. I am willing to lose everything and everyone in my life just as long as he stayed. To me, everything I am doing is worth it. Every drop of blood, every tear shed, all the pain, is worth it because I'm doing it for Kane.

           Rex saw me by myself on one of the bunks in the barracks of the ship with my helmet at my side and went to sit beside me. "We'll be back on Coruscant shortly," he said as he removed his helmet. "Gotta bring the news of General Mundi's death to the other Jedi Generals." He noticed me not looking at him in the eyes and, instead, at the floor. "I can tell something is eating at ya. Care to share what's on your mind?"

My eyes stayed fixated on the floor below me. "I don't think you'll ever be able to truly comprehend how grateful I am to you for sticking with me through all of this."

"Well, isn't that what brothers are for?", he replied as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I guess so," I responded, looking him in the eyes now with a smile. "It just feels like all this has gotten so out of hand. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I would have never guessed that all this would happen. I mean... I've been so close to death trying to get him back. I've returned to a planet I swore I would never go back to. I-"

Rex cut me off. "It's because you love him."

"Exactly." I pulled out the picture General Shaak Ti gave me and showed it to him. "I'm fighting to bring days like this back. I just want to be happy again."

"Hey, I'd do the same thing if I was in your shoes. And I have a feeling you'd be there with me through it all like I am for you."

"I know this isn't your fight. So again, I just want to say thank you."

"You're welcome, Fives," he said. He got up to leave but stopped right outside the door and turned back to me. "Also, you can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy." We felt the ship exit hyperspace. "Looks like we've made it to Coruscant. We should get going."

His words hit hard. All this time I refused to be happy. I locked that emotion away because I could not bear to see myself that way without Kane. Once again Rex was right. I couldn't wait until my life got better before I could be happy. I felt a wave of emotions hit me and it all led to a heartfelt, genuine smile that Rex seemed to recognize as something that was difficult for me to do. He returned it with his own. The sadness I felt from losing Kane again went away. For the first time in forever, I felt...bright. And even if life was still hard, I was going to remain strong for Kane. When I have him back in my arms, everything will be alright once more. "I'm right behind ya."

*

           I followed Rex to the Council Chamber. As we were walking there, I noticed several of the Jedi with concerned looks on their faces. Did they sense something that I could not? Perhaps an attack? I couldn't tell. The door to the Chamber was closed. Rex politely knocked. "You may enter," said General Luminara from behind the door. We entered. "Greetings, Captain Rex. Fives. Was the mission on Alderaan a success?"

"We were able to successfully eliminate the Twi'lek's forces on the planet. They weren't after the kyber crystals, however. They were ordered to burn down a specific area of the forest."