Belong

Part 5: Decision

It's been weeks since the Hidden Tree Village mission, since then it's been lousy, quick missions at least for her they were so she's been using the extra time to train. But that's not all she's been doing, moving to another village even if it's temporary is still an option for her but still not sure if she should go through with it.

"... Don't hold on to the past."

The words still rang in her head, sometimes they'd give her courage to actually go through with moving somewhere, most likely the Hidden Tree Village, it'd be the perfect environment for her but then that courage would just.. disappear, evaporate.. Just poof, gone. Because of the fear of leaving her young siblings alone and her two and only friends, Michiko and Shizuka. But if she explains why she wants.. no.. need to leave, they'd understand, right? Maybe Michiko and Shizuka and probably Gaara too but Kankuro, probably not. Ugh! How frustrating.

And leaving would make her seem weak, which is something she hates. She received emotional training just like any other Sand Shinobi, she's trained to be rough like the desert surrounding her village. But she's still human so she's allowed to be this way, right? No amount of emotional training can suppress all the pain she has in her heart, all the anger, the sadness. Shizuka would always tell her all this and that it's okay to be sad and in pain but she'd just say it's being weak. Both Michiko and Shizuka would sometimes believe her dejected state is what makes her such a cold and powerful Shinobi in the Sand or so they've heard people talking about how cold and powerful she is.

"Hey, sis." A voice from behind brought her back to reality

"Kankuro."

"You seem to like it up here." He walks over to her to join her enjoy the view

"Yeah. It's a beautiful sight." She forces a smile

"Yeah. It is."

Silence followed after. For a couple of minutes they stood there, not uttering a single word. Just taking in the view of their beloved village.

"I've been watching you." Kankuro finally breaks the silence

"Watching me?"

"Yeah... For a while now."

"What do you mean?" Temari asks, getting slightly irritated

He did not reply.

"Well, are you going to answer me or -"
"I mean I know what you've been going through." He finally answers cutting Temari in mid-sentence

"What I've been... going through? What do you... mean by that?" She murmurs the last part.

"I know you're... suffering inside. I just wish I noticed it sooner."

Could he know? Or is he by any chance talking about something else? She asked herself. She couldn't even face in his direction so did he.

"I'm not suffering. Stop talking nonsense." She says

"Like I said, I've been watching you for a while. I also talked Michiko."

"Michiko?!!"

"What did she tell you?!" She demands

He remained silent.

"What did she say?!" Slight hints of annoyance and desolation were evident in her voice

He remained silent again, this time facing in her direction and her in his.

"You no longer need to hide it from me." He states

Could Michiko have told him everything? Most likely, so there was no point in playing dumb and denying what is already known but she hadn't admitted it either but the tears rolling down her cheeks did it for her. Realizing it, she immediately attempted to wipe them away only to be stopped by Kankuro.

"Don't. It's okay." He says and embraces her with a  hug "I wasn't there before... but I'm here now."

All this time she was worried about what Kankuro would say, how he would react if she told him the truth and why she needs to go. She was afraid he wouldn't understand her but he does. She finally gave in. She hugged him back, staining his shoulder with her tears. After what seemed like forever, they finally let go.

"Listen, I was also thinking... it'd be good for you if you didn't stay in the village for little while."

"What?"

"Being in the Sand is not good for you right now."

"I can't leave the village, what if something happens?"

"We can handle it and if we need you, we'll call for you." He states

"And what about Gaara and -"

"I'll talk to Gaara."

"I'll think about it." She says.

Was there really anything to think about? Or did she say that just to make it seem as if she doesn't want to go? No, all this time she was worried for nothing. One of the people she thought would not understand her basically gave her the permission to leave for now.

So she decided, she'd leave in a few days. She could not leave immediately, her current duties couldn't allow it but she was fine with it, it'd give her the time to decide where to go anyway. But there weren't a lot of options, in fact, just two. Either the Hidden Tree or the Leaf. The Leaf, she laughed at the thought when somebody pops in her head as soon as she thinks of the place.

Now that she thinks about it, Shikamaru is the only person she knows beyond the looks and name.

Few days went by. She woke up, did her daily morning routine. Today  was it. Still she was nervous, a little hesitant, doubtful about leaving her village and family, what if something terrible happens while she's away? She wouldn't bear it if it did, that much she knows. But she also knows she really needs this, she's been needing it for a long time. She needs to go for her sake. To really think about herself, to change this expressionless face. Out of all people who don't like her, she knows nobody hates her more than she hates herself... For being this way.

She didn't want to tell them before today that she was leaving; Michiko and Shizuka. Was afraid that maybe they'd talk her out of it. The sun was just beginning to rise, so there weren't a lot of people walking out and about. Just a quiet walk to friend's house. But the anxiety kept taking over her with each step, nearing closer to her friend's house and at the same closer to his house too. It's the reason she hated coming to Michiko's house because he didn't live too far from her place.

It's also another reason why she wanted to go to her in the morning. Hoping not to see him again.