Auria's POV
Today was a settled day I was in my room reading a book I had for sometime now. Harvey and Olivia isn't home so I could get to relax a bit, the rain was pouring outside so I just sat by the window watching as it rolled down while reading.
Having what feels like time to myself was the best thing about Thursdays in this hell hole. Olivia has some stupid class that she claims to have only on Thursdays but I know that's a lie though she wouldn't be back until dinner time and Harvey was out on business.
This whole feeling was sad and lonely but that's why I like reading. When I'm reading I feel like my soul leaves my body and become free in a world where decision are by choice and not forced, I feel like there's nothing to stop me from smiling when I'm invested in my reading.
When I'm reading I go to a whole different dimension and reality become a memory in the far distance at the back of my mind. Call me a nerd but that's just the true feeling.
From the time on the clock I could tell it was only 1pm which mean I have maybe 4 hours before I have to go prepare dinner and if I should be totally honest I like this a lot. The fact that sometimes when I'm alone all I can think about is that I want to die and the next when my mind is settled I like being here, alive and physical.
I could lie and say I'm not depressed or I'm not lonely but I won't, I'm being sincere I really do feel alone I had always been and as I'm an only child I've never had anyone to share the burdens of life with and that sucked balls.
I stopped reading for a while and focused on the window looking outside at the road, oh what I wouldn't give to just go out and have direct sun light pierce my skin or to go to the beach, go on a stroll through the woods, play in the rain, go to the park and watch the ducks I would give anything to just lay on the green grass and watch as the clouds slowly move.
That was all dreams and hopes my only way out of this place is if Harvey dies or he kills me. Either way this all was one shit hole, I was becoming sleepy so I got up walked to my bed and laid on it on face down soon after I dozed off.
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"You little bitch! You had the nerve to talk back at me!" Harvey yells his breath radiating with alcohol while I cower in the corner of my room tears flowing down my cheeks as I watch him intensely. "Do you know how much I've done for you, you stupid slut!? I should just kill you right here right now that'll pay the price" he says squatting to my level and grabbing my leg pulling me across the room making my back bruise from the hard texture of the floor.
"P-Please you're hurting me" I begged as he stop and pull me up by my hair throwing me on the bed and I got as far away from him as I could not minding the harsh pain in my back. "We would be living a perfect life if you didn't kill your mother you know but you're bad luck, I bet you killed your father too" he say I put my hands over my ears and let out a ear bursting scream as his words were really hurting me more than any physical blow can.
"You fucking prostitute do you want to injure me?" he ask while I cried uncontrollably, he got his belt from his pants and climbed on my bed coming closer to me landing it hard on my body one blow after another I just laid there covering my face pleading for him to stop as he repeatedly hit me over and over again.
By the time he stopped my whole body was hot I felt broken and it hurts everywhere. My skin felt as if it was being slowly ripped apart and salt was being poured into every wound but what was there for me to do? He has broken me and he keeps stomping on my shattered pieces with no excuse or regret.
He drags my hands from my face and over my head tying them in place with his belt and pulling his pants down "please no I'm sorry for talking back" I plead with a quivering voice trying to shuffle away from him despite all the pain I was in. "Keep quite bitch I'll teach you how to shut the fuck up when I'm talking" he says ripping my dress.
I literally flew up sitting straight in my bed with tears streaming down my face and my body steaming with sweat...it was just a dream... Trying to control my breathing and steady my heartbeat I took a few minutes to calm down before looking at the clock to see it was 4:30pm I put my damp hair up in a messy bun and walk to the bathroom splashing my face with cold water.
Walking downstairs and heading to the kitchen I searched for what was there to use for making dinner, with all the ingredients I found I decided on making prep pesto chicken and veggies with black bean stuffed sweet potatoes. Yes I know what big chef move, but I like making extravagant meals that way I keep up with practice and besides cooking is fun and it takes time and patience and it's my safe place so I like to spend time doing that and being in the kitchen for a while.
I used the next hour and a half to prepare the meal and setting the table just as Olivia got home and Harvey followed shortly after both coming to sit at the table I went a head to my room to go eat and afterwards I got the table and the kitchen cleaned up along with small things around the house including the laundry and a bit of dusting.
Once I got finish it was almost 10pm so I decided to turn in for the night. I walk to my room and got straight in the shower washing my body and my hair, I got a towel and dried my body leaving my hair to air dry.
I got dressed in some old shorts and a large t-shirt and getting in bed and under the blanket. I wasn't as sleepy or tired because I got some rest earlier today so I just laid there staring at the ceiling and day dreaming.
What if I actually get out of here someday, what would life be like then? I've practically been nonexistent to the world for two years what will I even do, where will I go? I mean I could figure that out once I get out, if I ever get out. I feel like this whole situation was me committing a dreadful crime and being sentence to 50 years without parol and it all would end with my life being terminated.
Even though I would absolutely want to feel the joy of being free once more something tells me that's not gonna happen anytime soon, and I somehow accept it.
My fate, destiny, purpose whatever life has planned for me was messed up and I hated the fact that I of everyone in this world had to go through this, I wish this type of life on no one not even my worst enemy. I even wonder how I've not lost my mind yet because all I endure is pain and all I think about is death.
Why is Harvey keeping me alive? Why am I even letting myself live through this forsaken reality? Why won't I allow myself to just take my life and let myself be free in one piece? I just want to be done I want this to be over I want to get out of this life and be comfortable in death or something else I just want this to go away.
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A//n
I'm sorry for making you go through this bestie😢❤
Hope you enjoyed💙💛
Love you my butterflies 🦋🦋😇
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