Taking Control of Panic

Chapter 1

I watched the rain slowly drip down the windows of the room I've stayed in so many times. I've always hated the rain. It made me uncomfortable and the lightning and thunder scares me. It reminds me of past houses I've been through. I've never had a good house. There has always been something wrong with me that would get me kicked out. Bad grades, too emotional, too quiet, doesn't make eye contact, too many panic attacks, won't talk, barely sleeps, doesn't cooperate, can't remember simple tasks. I've heard it all. So here I am, back at the orphanage.

The other kids at the orphanage were ruthless. They were cold hearted, liars, and thieves; but under all of that, I knew that we were all just lonely, neglected children that longed for a home. We've all experienced abuse from other houses, so most turned to violence.

"Ranboo." I heard a knock on my door as Lea called for me. I'm lucky enough to get my own room, which keeps me somewhat happier.

"Come in!" I yelled back through the door.

"I've got some good news!" She said with a smile. Lea was the person who always found me 'families'. They never worked out, but I guess she tried.

"Don't say it." I muttered.

"I've got you a new family!"

"Great" I said, with a sigh.

"Ranboo, I'm sorry about your past houses, but I think this one might actually be a great fit." She says this every time. "His name is Phil and he would like to talk to you. He's seen your file, and seemed interested. Get ready and come downstairs in 10 minutes."

I watched as she left the room and I stood up. Most kids would be excited, but me, as a 14 year old who's been in the system since 2 years old, it's getting tiring. I looked in the mirror at the lanky guy with fluffy brown hair. I barely recognize myself anymore. I ruffled it to look better, but it did nothing. I gave up and just decided to go downstairs.

"He's in that room and wants to ask a couple questions before signing anything." Lea said, "I'm sure you understand the process by now. Good luck Ranboo." I nodded and walked in the room.

"Hi!" The man told me with a peppy tone. He had blonde hair that reached the shoulders and seemed a little shorter than me. "I'm Phil and I assume that you are Ranboo?"

"Yeah" I mumbled quietly without making eye contact. I've hated eye contact and new people, so this was not my ideal situation.

"Well, I'll tell you a bit about me first. I'm Phil. I'm single and have three other children that I fostered, but they are now adopted. Technoblade and Wilbur are 17 and twins. Tommy is 15, so you'll be the youngest." 'Great, siblings' I thought sarcastically. "Our family is pretty chaotic, but you'll get used to it." He said with a smile. "So, tell me about yourself. Favorite color? Hobbies? Favorite food? Anything about yourself will make me happy."

"Um, my favorite color is dark blue. I like to read and write. I don't really have a favorite food." I said shyly, trying to talk as little as possible.

"Ok, well, I think that you would be a nice fit in our family. Are you willing to try?" He asked and I nodded. "Great! We'll get the paperwork filled out!" He said and I went to go pack my few items. By the time I returned back downstairs, the paperwork was done.

"Good luck, Ranboo. I think he's a perfect fit. Give him a chance." Lea said and gave me a hug.

"Thank you." I said and looked at Phil. He seemed nice, but so did a lot of my other caretakers that turned out to be terrible.

"Ready kiddo?" He asked as I nodded and jumped into the front seat. The car ride was quiet, so I paid attention to the sounds of the tires and engines and bounced my leg. We pulled into the driveway and I studied the two-storied, brick building. It seemed to be like a cabin in the woods with no one else around, which made me slightly nervous. "Hey." Phil said with a calm tone, "You'll be okay. If you're worried about the kids, I promise that they won't hurt you or anything. They were also from the foster system, so they've felt the same way that you did. They are excited to meet you, so it might be a bit loud." He reassured me.

As we walked in the door, I looked around and was immediately met with a tall man, almost my height. He had fluffy brown hair and a yellow sweater. He was in the kitchen and laughing with another guy who was sitting on the counter. He had fluffy hair as well, but it was a soft blonde color.

"Kids! We're home!" Phil said with a smile and must be calling down to the other brother who was not in the kitchen. The other two turned around and gave me a big smile. The blonde one immediately ran up to me and introduced himself.

"Hi!! I'm Tommy and this is Wilbur! TECHNOBLADEEEEE! IF YOU DON"T GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE I'LL STEAL ALL OF YOUR BOOKS AGAIN!" The kid screamed which made me flinch. I saw the other kid come around the corner. He had long pink hair which was in a tight braid that looked really cool. I've always wanted to grow my hair out, but all of my foster parents never let me. "-And this is Technoblade! Can I give you a tour?" Tommy said with a giant smile and lots of energy. I nodded because he seemed somewhat kind, although very loud.

"This is the main floor. It's basically just the kitchen and living room. Up the stairs is where all of the bedrooms are." He said as I followed him upstairs. There was a hallway with six doors. "The first door on the left is Technoblade's" I looked in and saw a room with posters and multiple book shelves. Three walls were white and one was pink. "The next one is Wilbur's" His room had many instruments and tapestry. It had three white walls and one yellow one and a giant bean bag in the corner. "This is Phil's bedroom" Phil also had a lot of bookshelves, but his room was pretty plain. He had three white walls and one green wall. I'm starting to see a pattern with the walls. "On the right side, there's a bathroom. Don't worry, there is another one downstairs so we all don't have to share. Next is my bedroom, the best one." His room was filled with records and dvd's. It had three white walls and one red wall with a giant bean bag in the corner, similar to Wilbur's. "Finally, this is your room." He said as he opened the door. It was a plain white room with a bed, desk, an empty bookshelf,and dresser. "What's your favorite color?" he asked.

"Dark blue. Why?" I responded quietly.

"Aha! So you can speak! I was getting worried for a second. Anyways, we'll paint the wall behind your bed a dark blue. It'll look great." he said with a smile, "We'll also go shopping tomorrow to get you more clothes and stuff for your room. I'm sure you're tired so I'll let you unpack. Phil will probably come up shortly to explain some rules." He said and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

I went to unpack my stuff and my mind was racing. I made sure I tried my best because the people here seem nice and I don't feel like seeing Lea's face when it doesn't work out. I give it two months before I'm sent back.

"Ranboo?" I heard a voice call and a knock at the door.

"Come in." I said quietly, but hopefully loud enough to be heard and sat down on the bed.

"Hey, bud. I thought I'd go over some ground rules. Is that okay?" He asked and I nodded. "Okay. First of all, food is open at any time. Feel free to take some from the fridge or the pantry whenever. Next, let's go over some ground rules of the kids and I. Technoblade does not like people in his room unless you knock and hates when new people touch his hair. Wilbur is very jumpy and if you sneak up on him, it can send him into panic attacks so don't do that. He also hates it when people touch his guitar without permission. Tommy doesn't like to be alone so he'll almost always be hanging out with someone; whether it's one of us or Tubbo, who basically lives here. As for me, I don't really have much. You can come to me whenever, even if it's three in the morning. What about you? These kids are all from the foster system so they'll respect your boundaries.

"Um." I debated opening up, but Phil seemed kind. "I guess I really dislike eye contact. I also have an extremely bad memory so I write daily journals. I'd prefer it if you didn't read them."

"Okay. I'll warn the boys about that. Are you hungry? We usually have dinner at 7:00, but the boys already ate."

"No, I'm okay. Thank you though."

"Okay. I'll let you get some rest. We'll go shopping tomorrow and paint your room. If you have any questions, don't feel afraid to come and get one of us." He said with a smile and left.

I laid down and processed the day. 'Maybe this would be a good fit. They haven't yelled at me yet.' I thought and quickly fell asleep.