Taking Control of Panic

Chapter 8

I woke up and immediately recognized that it was a bad day. I sat at the top of the stairs and listened to the conversation to make sure it was safe for me to go down. All I heard was Tubbo leaving and something about him not wanting to go home. I walked down a couple minutes later and sat at the table Wilbur, Tommy, and Phil were at. Techno must still be sleeping.

"Hey, Ranboo! How'd you sleep?" Tommy asked with a peppy attitude, which hurt my ears. I didn't respond, not wanting to hear my own voice. It would probably annoy them anyways. I took one pancake and picked at it slowly.

"Ranboo?" Tommy asked again. I looked at him to show him that I heard and looked back down. I felt the gaze of the others on me which annoyed me. I managed to take one more bite of my half eaten pancake before I felt extremely uncomfortable.

"Ranb-" Phil started, but I got up and walked away, not wanting to deal with him. I ran up to my room and immediately sat down to write in my journal. It always helped relax me and was a safe spot. I don't know why I was having such a bad day. It's happened almost every month since I was born. I scribbled a small drawing in the corner with my pen, satisfied at the sound of the pen on the page.

"Ranbo-" Tommy started as I heard the door swing open.

"Leave." I said without looking up.

"Ranboo, Pleas-"

"I said, leave." I spoke with gritted teeth. As soon as I heard the door close, I put my head down as I felt tears fall onto the messy page, smudging some of the newer ink.

This. This is why all of my foster families would leave me. Now it will happen again. I can't go a month without messing up. I actually liked these people. I got up and grabbed a backpack and put all of my clothes into the bag, preparing for the moment they would kick me out. It took about five hours for me to pack everything between the crying, weakness of my body, and tiredness. I ended up falling asleep with my tear stained face on the pillow I would use to call my own.

When I woke up, I felt disgusting. I walked to the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water, remembering how I've messed up. I looked up in the mirror and did not recognize the guy that looked back at me. He looked tired. He looked anxious. I shook my head and, with a sigh, walked back to my room.

When I walked in, I spotted Tommy, at my desk, reading my journal. "Tommy?!" I yelled as he jumped up and raised his hands in defense.

"I- Um- I-"

"Tommy! What were you doing?! What was the ONE thing that I asked you NOT to do?!"

"I'm- Uh- Sor-" He said, stepping back as Phil stepped into the room with Techno and Wilbur behind him.

"Ranboo? Tommy? What's going on?"

"Well" I laughed from my anger, "Your son decided to read my journal!"

"Tommy, I clearly told you that Ranboo did not want anyone reading that." "

I know, but- I guess-" Tommy started, but I cut him off.

"I'll be back." I said quietly, took my journal and phone, and ran out of the house.I didn't know where I was going, but I needed to leave. Everything was overwhelming and I didn't want to resort in violence, but Tommy had broken one of my only boundaries. It reminded me of the late night conversation with Techno. 'I train when I'm angry or stressed' He said. I ran to the direction of the field, somehow remembering the way, even in the dark.

When I arrived, I turned on a lantern, picked up the boxing glove, and stood in front of the punching bag. I threw a punch with all of my strength and watched as the bag swung. I repeated this over and over again until my arms were tired and I was exhausted.

It worked. I've calmed down. I took off the gloves and I laid in the field, staring at the stars. I spotted the big dipper and it reminded me of when I was younger. I used to sneak out to escape the emotional pain and stress of my foster parents. The stars always calmed me down. Knowing that some things will always be there for you. The sky is endless and beautiful.

I sat up quickly when I heard the bushes rustle. I ran to the chest and grabbed a sword as I watched someone appear from the bushes. As they stepped into the light, I realized that it was just Tubbo. I sighed and put away the sword as he came closer.

"Ranboo? Why are you out here?" Tubbo asked.

"Why are you out here?"

"I saw a light from my room and wanted to see who was in the field. Now, what's your excuse?" He asked as I layed back on the ground and watched the stars. Tubbo layed next to me and stared up, as well.

"Tommy read my journal. The ONE place I can release all of my thoughts and emotions. I don't understand why he'd do that? I- I thought we were friends. I thought he respected my boundaries." I said feeling the betrayal and tears rushed back.

"Oh. I'm so sorry." Tubbo said as he rolled over to give me a quick hug. "I'm sure he had a reason. You'll have to talk to him. It doesn't seem like him to do that. You still haven't explained why you came here."

"I needed to release some anger. I messed that punching bag up. You should've seen me." I laughed trying to release some of my sadness. Tubbo chuckled beside me.

"So, are you staying the night out here? Do you want me to walk you home or to my place?"

"I don't want to go home and your dad scares me, so I'll probably stay here."

"I'll be right back." Tubbo said as he ran from the way he came and returned about 5 minutes later with two pillows and a blanket. "I'm not leaving you alone or sleeping in the cold night. Phil put up borders, so no dreamons can attack us in this field."

Tubbo lifted my head to put a pillow underneath it. He laid down next to me again, huddling close, and threw the blanket over both of us as we stared at the stars. "Thank you, Tubbo." I said, "For always being there for me."

"Of course boss man. I'll always be here." He said and smiled as we drifted off staring at the stars.