Taking Control of Panic

Chapter 10

TW/CW: EXPOSURE THERAPY

I don't know if this is considered a trigger or anything, but I'll put it there just in case. I've had to go through exposure therapy, so I'll be writing about how it went based on how I've experienced it. One of my fears was actually storms, so it'll be mostly accurate (but he won't be in a group, like I was)

Stay safe <3

"Phil!!!" Niki yelled as we entered and ran to give him a hug.

"Niki!! I haven't seen you in such a long time!" Phil smiled.

"Yeah! I missed you! Are Will and Techno doing okay? I heard that they were sick."

"Yeah. Will used his healing to heal them both, so they are doing great now. I think that they're upstairs if you want to join them. Dinner will be ready at 8pm, so you have about four hours." Phil said as Tubbo, Tommy, and I followed Niki up to Wilbur's room.

"Hello!" She said as she walked in, seeing both Wilbur and Techno jump.

"I swear to god, Niki, you are going to be the death of me." Wilbur said, but got up and hugged Niki.

"What are you guys doing?" Tommy asked. Wilbur returned to his computer and Techno shifted on the giant bean bag so Tommy could sit down next to him.

"We're playing on the Minecraft server. Want to join?" Wilbur asked and we all nodded and pulled out our phones. Niki sat on the floor between Will's PC and the bean bag Techno was on, while Tubbo and I sat on Wilbur's bed.

"So, what's new on the server? I haven't played in a bit." I asked.

"Well, we recently rebuilt L'manburg after someone blew it up." Niki said as we all looked at Wilbur.

"Ahaha.... I would neverrr" Wilbur nervously laughed, which made us all laugh.

I heard thunder, but it was quickly drowned out by the sound of laughter. I wasn't even worried or panicking! I looked at Tubbo and smiled as he smiled back, seeing my accomplishment. We played for hours until we saw a simple message appear on the screen that said 'JackManifoldTV joined the game' and everyone cheered.

"Who's that?" I asked, confused. "That's Jack! He's the electrokinesis that'll help you." Tubbo said and I nodded as a loud string of thunder rang in my ears. Nobody was talking when it happened, so I leaned closer to Tubbo. At least we now know that when I'm distracted or having fun, I can handle the thunder. I was quickly distracted again when everyone cheered again. I looked down at my phone and saw another message that said 'ItsFundy joined the game' followed by '<ItsFundy> Why so many people on?' and '<JackManifoldTV> Idk. Vc?'.

"Do you guys want me to call Fundy and Jack?" Wilbur asked and we all cheered.

The rest of the night was a blur filled with laughing, friendship, food, movies, and sleep.

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The days went by fast and were filled with training. Niki continued to teach me how to use a bow until I mastered it, Tubbo and I became close to the same skill level in sword fighting, so I switched to training with Wilbur, and I mastered control over light and darkness. Overall, I was very happy. I loved this family I could now call my own.

I sat at my desk writing all the events from the day as I heard a knock at my door. "Come in!" I yelled as Phil walked in, shut the door and sat on my bed. "Oh, no you look serious. What happened? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, of course not, but we do need to talk." Phil said, which worried me. "Since you've mastered your first power, it's time to work on the second hardest one to learn which will be electrokinesis. How have you been handling storms recently?"

"Um, it's been okay. Not worse, but not better either. I found out that if I'm distracted, it doesn't bother me as much. Tubbo also found out why I'm scared so we can work with it."

"Have you heard of exposure therapy before?" He asked as my eyes widened at the topic and I tensed up.

"Y- Yeah." I stuttered thinking about the time when my foster parents put me in an exposure therapy group. The adults made me make multiple speeches and put me in rooms to talk one-on-one with other people my age to work on my social anxiety. I absolutely hated it and it honestly did not help too much. They also made me sit by a bush of bees, for an hour, to track my anxiety. It sucked and caused multiple panic attacks. "Please, please don't make me go back there again." I said with a shaky voice.

"Hey, It's okay. I won't make you do anything. I was just thinking that maybe sitting on the porch and facing the fears might help. We wouldn't send you anywhere and you could have someone sit next to you until you're ready."

"Maybe. I could try it I guess." I said.

"I would really appreciate it if you gave it a try. It's supposed to storm for the next four days. Is there someone in particular you want to be near you?"

"I guess Tubbo. He knows the most about me. Is that weird?"

"No! Of course not! He's your best friend and basically family. I'll go ask him about it. Are you willing to try tonight?"

"I guess so." I said with a hesitant sigh.

"I'm proud of you, Ranboo." Phil said and left.

The rest of the day went by pretty fast as I continued to write, draw, and read. Tubbo came in right after I saw a flash of lightning.

"You ready, boss man?" He asked and I nodded. He picked up on my nerves easily. "I'll be right here."

We walked onto the screened in porch and I immediately felt the humidity. We sat on a cushioned bench as I looked up at the sky, nervously. I watched as a bright string of light flashed across the top of the trees. I tightly gripped Tubbo's arm in preparation of the loud boom. When it came, I flinched and leaned closer to Tubbo.

"It's okay. Nothing can hurt you. I'm right here and we're protected." He said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and rubbed my arm.

"I- I know, but it's s- so loud and bright." I said as more lightning flashed across the darkened sky.

"Think about something else. Think about that night when we watched the stars. Or when we played minecraft in Wilbur's room. That was fun, wasn't it?" He asked and I nodded thinking about the nights. It helped a lot to distract myself, but I was pulled out of my thoughts and saw Tommy walking over and sitting on the bench with us. Loud thunder boomed as I flinched, closed my eyes, and pulled my legs up to my chest.

"It's okay, Ranboo. Breathe with me." Tommy said as he sat closer and rubbed a comforting hand on my back. Suddenly, I felt loved and safe with the presence of my two best friends.

I ended up sitting out there for an hour as I calmed down and got used to the sounds and lights. "Would you like to sit out here by yourself before going in? It might be hard, but it would be a great step forward." Tommy asked and I thought about it. They would all be proud of me and why not try.

"Sure."

"We'll be right inside if you need anything." Tubbo said as they left.

It ended up being a little difficult, but not as bad as I thought. I sat out there for about ten minutes before it became too much and I ran inside.

"I'm so proud of you!!!" Wilbur yelled as he gave me a huge hug. Everyone joined the hug and I felt so loved and cared for which made me smile as I closed my eyes not believing that this feeling might last forever.