Taking Control of Panic

Chapter 7

TW: Panic attack

I woke up to hear the small taps of what seemed to be a person or animal on the roof.

"1:23am." I said to myself and groaned, "It's too early for this." I sat up to investigate and saw that Tubbo was clinging to my arm. I gently removed it and went to the window. I had easy access to the roof, so I opened the window and crawled out, closing it softly. As I stood up, I saw a figure on the roof.

"No. No. Go away. I- I can't do this! Please. Please. Please, just stop" The figure paced, but sat down pulling his knees to his chest and covering his ears. I recognize that voice. Technoblade. I gently walked over, careful not to scare him.

"Techno? Are you okay?" I asked and sat down next to him.

"G- Go away Ranboo." He said without lifting his head. He hit his head and returned to covering his ears.

"Techno- Listen to me. I don't know what's going on, but you have to breathe with me. Follow my pattern. Inhale. 2. 3. 4. Hold. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Exhale. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Focus on my voice, your breathing, and the stars. Nothing else. Let's repeat, now." I sat there with him for what seemed like an hour, helping him calm down. Eventually, I heard his uneasy breath calm , but still saw him crying in the moonlit night. He scooted closer and rested his head on my shoulder. I've never seen him so open and vulnerable around anyone. Even Phil or Wilbur.

"I'm so tired, Ranboo. I'm tired of this. It hurts." Technoblade says, which worries me.

"Can you explain what happened?"

"I- I hear voices. They demand things from me and aren't satisfied until I complete the task. These attacks are almost impossible to calm. Only Phil, and now you, have calmed one. Thank you. I'm so sorry you had to deal with me."

"Hey, I'll always be here. I know that we don't talk as much, but that doesn't mean that I don't love and care about you any less. If you don't mind, what did the voices want?"

"T- They demanded blood. They wanted me to k- kill Phil. I know I could never do it so I tried to distance myself from Phil by locking myself up here. They were screaming so loud. I could barely hear you." He said as tears fell.

"I'm sorry. I wish I knew how to comfort you better-"

"You did amazing. Better than Phil even. Don't apologize. Thank you so much." He said as we laid back on the roof, watched the stars, and fell into a comfortable silence for about 30 minutes. "Y'know. I don't know you too well. We never talk too much. Can you tell me what you're interested in?" I asked trying to distract and calm Techno.

"Uh. I guess I like to read and write. I'm actually starting a book!" He said with genuine excitement and I saw a small smile when I looked over. It's nice to see him passionate and smiling. Especially after the earlier situation. "I like learning about Greek mythology and magic. I train when I'm angry or stressed. It helps a lot. If I'm not home, I'm probably in the field. It's like a second home for me on late nights."

"I really like reading books! If you ever need someone's opinion or thoughts on your book, I'd be happy to read it. Maybe-" I was cut off when I saw a light beneath us turn on. It was from my room. It's crazy how I thought of the room as my own. I heard the window creak open and Tubbo whisper a small 'Ranboo?'. "I'm up here, Tubbo. I'm heading back to bed in about five minutes, just give me a second." I saw the window close and the light shut off as I frowned. "We should probably go to bed. You should get some rest. I think we're training more tomorrow." I said and he nodded.

I opened my window and helped Techno through. "G'night, Techno. Get some rest." I said and he whispered a small 'thank you'. I crawled back to bed and heard soft snores from Tubbo. I smiled and drifted off to sleep.