Faded Embers

10

Atlas' POV:

My chest is cold when I wake up, and that's definitely not how I fell asleep. I fell asleep with Sean cuddling against my chest, and it was the most comfortable sleep I've had in a while. It didn't matter to me that I fell asleep in jeans; it was just so comfortable and I loved having someone so close.

When I spent the night with Veronica, she always tried to get me turned on and wanted to have sex, but when I couldn't get aroused and just wanted to cuddle, she refused. She seemed to make it a game and would use my inability to get turned on as a way to punish me, which was extremely embarrassing and made me really upset.

Sean, however, was amazing to cuddle with, even if he saw it as accidentally falling asleep on my chest. He's cute and he didn't move or squirm while sleeping, even though he wasn't in the most comfortable attire.

Honestly, I thought we were developing something...

Not a relationship because no one moves that fast except for Calin and Miles apparently, but I thought there was something there. His face was red when I first got him to lay against me, but he thinks I'm straight so I was able to act like it was just a friendly gesture.

However, now I'm awake and I'm cold, and I don't see Sean anywhere. I get up and don't see anyone in the kitchen or in any of the bedrooms. The front door is the last place I check, and only the door lock and not the deadbolt is locked, so it means he left and locked the one lock from the inside before he did so.

Oh no.

Did I make him uncomfortable?

Speaking of uncomfortable... oh my god, I'm hard!

Did he wake up to me popping a boner against him and freak out? This is horrible; I look like a complete dumbass and I probably scared the poor guy off.

Tears well up in my eyes and I feel my bottom lip tremble. I can't even stop the hot tears that pour down my cheeks; I'm such a pervert and I fucked up any chance I might have had with Sean because I scared him off.

Why am I like this?!

Even worse, I have to meet him later today for training at the Midtown Garden! It's going to be horrible.

I dial Calin's number because I need my crazy best friend to support me right now.

"Hello?" Calin says groggily, his voice hushed a bit. "My butt hurts a little bit..."

My face turns red again. "Calin, I need help," I say in a broken voice. I hate myself for crying right now, but I can't help it.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Calin asks, sound completely awake now. "Atlas, talk to me."

"Please come home," I sob, pulling my knees to my chest. "I think I'm having a mental breakdown!"

I hear shuffling and Calin telling Miles something, but my ears are pounding and I can barely see straight. I drop my phone, ignoring Calin's shouting through the phone. I lay on my back and take deep breaths, my heart pounding and a horrible knot in my stomach as I feel myself freaking out.

Sean is younger than me; he probably thinks I'm a pervert. He probably agrees with stupid director Paul and thinks I'm a predator because I got a boner when he just slept on top of me.

Veronica was right: I'm a disgusting, dirty faggot and I don't deserve anyone.

Sean is gorgeous and kind and I'm attracted to him despite not knowing him long, and it's too much. He deserves so much better than me and I'm still coping with the fact that I'm pretty not straight.