Repeat until death // Tubbo angst

Splash.

AHHH ONLY THIS CHAPTER THEN ABOUT TWO MOREEEE. It's coming to a close sadly but honestly I've really enjoyed writing this!

Chapter 13,

TW//[Last chapters A/N] !!!!!

There I sat, going through my town on Google maps just looking for a high building.

I found a very tall building, pretty sure it was an office building but I didn't care, my only goal was to get to the top of it.

I cleaned up my room, nobody wants to die with a dirty room.

People would probably be coming in and out of my room after I die looking around it snooping or whatever people do.

I turned off my PC, I was tempted to destroy it so there was no evidence of anything left on it.

I won't though, I cant be embarrassed because I'll be dead anyways.

I'll go tomorrow morning, but I need to go to the building today also to find out if I'll even be able to get to this top of it.

~Time skip~

I arrived at the bottom of the building, gazing up at the very top of it seeing how high it was, walked in the doors and over to the reception desk.

"Excuse me but does the elevator bring you to the roof floor or is the max floor level 43?"

(There are 43 levels not including the roof altogether for context)

"You need permission from security to enter onto the roof"

"Oh okay thank you" I responded with a smile.

"Wait"

"Yes?"

"Are you alright love? If you don't mind me asking what's the reason you'd like to go on the roof?"

"Um... I'm not sure actually nevermind, sorry bye!"

I ran out the door as fast as I could.

I got home and flopped onto my bed.

I sighed and walked back over to my PC and opened Google maps to look for somewhere else to go.

I found a bridge, the bridge was very very high, perfect.

The only concern was that it was above water.

It's very high and considering physics, I'd definitely break every bone in my body if I jumped but there's a very slight chance I could survive and that scares me.

Welp, I haven't got much to lose at this point so....

~TimeSkip to next morning~

I woke up and walked into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and got dressed.

Nothing too fancy, the clothes will be ruined anyways..

I sat on my bed and thought for a moment.

I don't want my parents to feel guilty for not knowing about my mental health because it's not their fault.

Maybe I can make it seem like a murder?

Yeah, I'll do that.

I walked over to the bridge. It was about 6am and I tweeted :

"I'm so grateful for my community I love each and every one of you!"

To also make it seem like a murder I tweeted

"On the way to the shop to get some treats rn :)"

That made an excuse for me being outside, it will just seem like I died on the way there.

I was on the bridge when I remembered I was holding this.

I'm so fucking stupid I don't know how I managed to forget but I did.

I ran back home now I'm here, in my room.

I'm about to place this under my floorboards now, these are the last words I'll ever write in here.

It was good, I had a good run but it's all over now, I have nothing left.

So I'm placing this under the floorboard in my room now, I don't expect anyone to find this so if you're reading this, sorry? Tell Ranboo, Tommy, phil, my parents, siblings and just about everyone that I love them and none of this is their fault :>

~~~~~~~~~~~
(Wow guys it was a diary the whole time you would have never guessed)

Tubbo then placed the diary under a floorboard and left his room.

He walked out the front door of his house for the last time and walked to the bridge.

He stood on the edge and took a deep breath.

"Sorry.." he whispered before relaxing, his whole body going limp as he fell off the bridge.

Before he jumped he had left some of his own blood on the ground to make it look like there was a fight, he ripped part of his jacket too and left it on the floor.

It looked like a crime scene, well I mean it was.

It looked like there was a struggle, a fight.

Exactly what he was going for.

He was falling, the moment he had been waiting so long for had finally come.

The moment he had fantasised about was finally a reality, it was all over.

No pain just the bliss of freedom.

His tiny moment of bliss was abruptly stopped when his frail body hit the ocean surface

Due to the height (and the laws of physics) his body hit the water like it was concrete, breaking every bone in his body.

Shattering them, all his organs destroyed.

He didn't die, he should've died but knowing his luck he didn't.

He struggled in the water unable to move as his whole body was destroyed.

He slowly sunk struggling, trying his best to move his arms to get to the surface but it was no use.

His body was so damaged he could barely make a noticeable effort.

He struggled and struggled til he could feel his lungs fill with water.

As described by survivors, he regretted it.

The moment he hit the water all he could do was panic and think about everything he would miss now that he was going to die.

He would do anything to undo it, now he's going to die and everyone's going to take it as a murder.

The murderer isn't even real so his family won't ever get closure, the "murderer" will never be found.

He was panicking until it finally happened.

He felt his lungs practically pop / explode as they were filled with water and he lost consciousness.

He had done it.

He had died.

But he died knowing it wasn't what he really wanted.

All he wanted was help but he wouldn't accept it, he wouldn't ask.

The fear of being perceived as weak.

The fear of people seeing him as less of a "man" because of his mental health issues.

Sure the whole internet basically knows about them at this point.

Somehow his parents never did though?

OOP. It finally happened guys :( THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER THOUGH I REPEAT THIS IS NOT THE END.

A key lesson I wanted to teach in this chapter is that a lot of boys don't ask for help because they are afraid of being seen as weak or thought of as less of a man because of their mental health. Just know you are all valid, and it's okay to not be okay. Ily all <3

{1,168 Words}