Broken Hearts, Severed Limbs (Levi x OC x Erwin)

|127| The Attack on Liberio I

It was when she started strapping the new model of ODM Gear on her body, that it really hit her. She hadn’t used that type of ODM too many times, but she was sure she’d be able to get used to it whilst fighting in Marley. Fighting. Oh God, she shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be there right now, strapping the ODM on her body and picking up blades and stuffing them in her ODM. And checking her gas tank and putting on the black, renewed uniform of a soldier of the Scout Regiment.

She shouldn’t be here. Nathalie sat down at the edge of her and Levi’s bed. Her elbows pressed down on her lap and she buried her face in her hands. Her fingers dug within her hair and clenched around the roots almost painfully. What if something happened to her? What if something happened to Levi? What if something happened to them both? What if they were never going to see their babies again? What if… what if… so many what ifs. She shouldn’t be there. She should be with them. She should have never left her babies to go fight a damn war. She should have never left them. What if something happened to Levi? Her? Why the hell was she doing the exact same thing her parents had done to her?

Her parents had tossed their daughter’s future to the fucking gutter. Was she doing the same now? By leaving them? By risking her life? By having their dad risking his own life to fight a war and to resolve world conflicts? She was doing the same. How dare she? How dare I? She didn’t want them to go through the same things she and Levi had. She didn’t want them to see hell. She didn’t want them to walk through it and that’s exactly what she used to convince herself that she had to fight. But what was a better choice? Stay back and make sure she’s going to be there to raise and protect them no matter what, or fight. Just fight for a future that was going to bring to them everything that she and Levi didn’t have growing up. A warm cosy house, food in their bellies and protection. The freedom to run around and play and laugh like children should.

“Nat?”

Levi approached her. He was dressed in his ODM, ready to walk out of the room and start the mission. He dropped on one knee in front of her. His hand found her chin as he lifted her face off her palms and urged her to look up at him. She had that familiar expression on her face. One of absolute struggle. One of worry, and fear- no, terror.

“I shouldn’t have left them,” Nathalie choked out tears spilled down her cheeks and she buried her face back in her hands. “I shouldn’t be here. I should be with them. I shouldn’t be-”

“Go,” Levi cut her firmly. “Take the next train to Trost,” He cupped her cheeks, pushing her hands away from her face and wiping the dampness of her tears. “You should be reaching Trost by sunrise. I’ll talk to Erwin. We can handle this mission without you. I’ll fight for us both-”

“No!” Her eyes widened in terror and she grabbed his shirt and tugged him close.

No. She couldn’t let him. She couldn’t leave Levi and her kids to fight whilst she’d be sitting on a couch mothering their children. What if Levi never made it back to her? She didn’t want to stand in that damned train station and watch him leave- watch them leave. No. Once more, she wished she could split her body in two. She could take bullets. Multiple of them. Levi could do. Mikasa could too. But not the others. The others were precious and fragile. Well-trained, experienced soldiers, but too precious to her.    

“No, I’m not going anywhere. I can’t leave you-”

“I’ll be fine-”

“No, I have to be there. I have to make sure you’re going to come back… I have to make sure th- that our kids are going to come back-”

“Oi, Nat, that’s my responsibility to take care of,”

“It’s both our responsibility. I will not fail to bring another child back to their family from a damn mission. I won’t ever fail again, not those kids, not this time,” She said determinedly, even though her voice cracked and tears slipped down her cheeks.